I've ordered Toxic Parents & Toxic InLaws.

I'm really hoping that they will be able to help us deal with everything!

The books just came, looking forward to reading them tonight

You will love Toxic In-Laws; I haven't read toxic parents yet though; let us know how it is :o)

I finished Toxic Inlaws last night. Where was this book a year ago when all this started? It would have been really nice to read this then. All the parts about nondefensive communication - we've used some of that but I wish I was better at it.

My inlaws were little bits of almost each type of inlaw in one way or another. Even a couple of the stories were things that have happened to us

Shes right at the end though - sometimes there are just people who can't get along. And I really think that is what we are. Like no matter what we will never see things the same.

It was good for FH and I too. It confirmed a lot of things that we already wondered about.

FH is reading Toxic Parents - hes not too far into yet but is already identifying with it. I'll give a report when hes done

im a school teacher and i have to teach kids everyday that not everyone will get along, but they should be able to live in peace.
that living in peace part is the bit they make hard.
why did it start for u miss dish? we got engaged and the shit started- well they always had a nasty streak but it got lots worse.
i am going to go look for that book- would it be in aus yet?

Try looking online for it, I had to order it because no stores had it.

For me it started long before were became engaged. We became engaged May 07, the problems started Dec 06. There were little things before that, but in Dec 06 FH and I decided not to go to a New Years party that MIL, FIL, SIL and her boyfriend were going to. MIL was not impressed and asked FH like 10 more times for us to come after we had told her no. Then I went into work one morning to find an email from SIL telling us how terriable we are and that FH has abandoned the family and we use the family. This was all being filtered through her from MIL. This should have been a sign for things to come.

We thought things got better, and there was just little things that we let slide. Then we said those words "were getting married"...what followed that was asking us to change the date of the wedding to a day that worked better for SIL (because shes out of town - aust. actually haha) even though we hate SIL because of the Christmas thing. Then when we wouldn't change the date they said it was because we didn't want her there. MIL even got mad that I booked the venue for MY wedding without talking to her first....

They even had SIL call FH on his birthday (we had my family up for dinner) and tell him and I quote "you should be with your family right now" ................These are just some of the many things. But it started long before we planned to get married - some of the issues are things that were going on with FH long before I was around and now that its changing they are freaking.

They won't be at my wedding and I don't care. I will not live my life the way they want. This book really helped, wish I had it back in Dec 06. You should really try to get it.

Here's another book to add to the list that I just got:  Mothers-In-Law and Daughters-In-Law by Susan Shapiro.  It's a really interesting read that examines the relationship from many different angles, and really does help give a good idea of what might be going on in people's head! I highly recommend it!

any books on horrible siblings in law?

So far the book I mentioned has brought up the sister in law. I haven't finished the whole book yet, so I'm not sure if it talks about brother in laws yet. I'll let you know!