Exact same thing here. I could try to fix it but it won't happen, or they will play nice till the next time MIL doesn't get her way.

I think part of the problem I'm having is that they blame it all on me, I'm the bad one. Therefore my mind starts going well did I do something wrong? Even though I know I didn't, and FH tells me that hes not mad at anything I did.

Once Christmas is over I think I'll be doing a little better, when I'm not worried about what they might do. Plus I'll be really busy with the wedding at that point (only be 5mo left!).

Trying to fix it is like banging my head against the wall, and I did try and she wasn't interested....

I'm not the one that needs to change, I can admit the things I should have done differently. I can't help my MIL deal with her son growing up.

MissDish, you said it perfectly when you said "I can't help my MIL deal with her son growing up."...and isn't that really what this is all about for most of us?

My FH's family will never, ever let him "grow up" (even though he clearly grew up a long time ago).  They baby him (even though he's not the "baby" of the family) as though he is not capable of even getting to a dentist appointment without them "reminding" him about it every 15 minutes for 2 hours preceeding the appointment! Geesh!

These arseholes need to relax and realize that our sweeties are grown up and living a different life now.  It does not have to exclude the in-laws, but the dynamics *WILL* change, and they need to accept that! He's the "man of the house" now (standing right beside his "woman of the house"!).  He's no longer their "baby" to smother and control, and if they try to convince themselves they are doing it so that he doesn't forget about them, then they clearly have a warped sense of what family is all about!

When people grow up and get married, they (hopefully) do not totally forget about the family where they grew up.  They typically want to stay in reasonable touch (notice I said REASONABLE!). They want to get in touch on the holidays (and even might want to visit on some holidays)...BUT, they do have another family to consider now!

If these people want to stay on good terms with their sons and have a happy, cohesive, mature family structure, then they need to grow up and stop acting like the devil himself, let their sons grow up, and accept us DIL's into their family as PART OF THE FAMILY!  Not as an outsider, but part of the family - to be loved and cherished.  I think the problem is, they truly don't have a concept of what unconditional love really means. They are unable to love and cherish their own children properly, so why are we surprised when they cannot figure out how to do it to us?!

haha speaking of dentist appointments...last November FH had his wisdom teeth out. I dropped him off, when I went back to get him we had to wait a little longer. MIL calls expecting to talk to him! Umm he can't talk! Hes drugged and has a mouth full of gauz. And she kept calling once we were home to see if he needed anything. Umm no thanks I think I have it covered...Its not like it was open heart surgery! She was so over the top about it, my god he just had some teeth out thats all.........

similar thing happened when fh had to go to the dr for stiches. we had to ring her to get medical info- numbers and stuff and she came running to his side. it was nice for to see that he wanted to hold my hand...haha mole.
missdish- u are having a very similar pre weddin experience with ur in laws. we are 5 days out and there still sour they didnt plan my wedding. its like its a fuckin xmas party. i dont get why mil thinks she has a right to determine how our relatioship should begin- considering its a ceremony for us.

Funny thing with me is 50% of this was before we said we were getting married, but it did start after we moved in together and I guess there really isn't a difference.
6mo left and as of right now they aren't invited...funny because she knows that and hasn't made any attempt to change that...and if its like a month before the wedding and she tries - TOO BAD

i would love form my in laws to not be invited...i think i will just make em unconfortable and tell em to go hehehe.
most of my shit started when we got engaged- mainly cos mil is a control freak and was annoyed that i was in control of entertaining her family- and made up a thousand things wrong with me being the cause.

it started for me the month we got married, I never met any of them before that. It started for DH the day they were born pretty much.

jeez. those siblings sound like arse. i hope they get a wake up call. i always get those say emails saying if someone died tomorrow would u regret what u did today and think why can't they think like that.

Same here for my FH, he was dealing wtih it from day 1, but it all kinda came out because of me. Life has been so much less stressful since we stopped talking to them.

I agree that you can't take the whole "they could die tomorrow" thing to heart, yes it would be sad, but is it worth being miserable your whole life because of that?