Ok so heres the thing we aren't talking to FH parents because of a lot of stuff that has happened. (see posts)

One mintue I hate them with everything I have and never want to talk to them again....then at other times I want to sit down and talk with them and makes things better...

I just don't know what to do...I know that if we sat and talked to them and explained the issues we might be able to start to make things work...

But MIL wants to sit with FH alone and talk with just him first, but because of things she has said we don't want that to happen.

I don't know what to do! Help!

the more you try and make things right the worse it will become. they will see you as weak and only continue. if they end up getting to you so bad and you standup for yourself you will be a bitch. so better to let it go, let them come to you if they ever do. many of us have dealt with this numerous tmes and it took me a number of times to get it right. stay away, so "incidents" and "misunderstandings" dont occur. the more i tried the worst it got. now we dont try and things are much better, less drama. not saying we get along with them we just dont give them any satistifaction we need them in our lives, which i'm sure now hurts them. but we also now if we did make up another incident would just occur and we are making sure that doesnt happen. i wanted so bad to be close to his siblings, they knew it, they screwed me over and over again, now I just want peace of mind away far away from them. they will never change, and if they cared they wouldnt have done any of that or they would have come to us and apologized but since none of that has occured hum. well I think now we are more respected because we dont need them, or want them around us. i'm serious.

So I just wrote on one of the other posts...and it helped me remember why I don't want to fix things..its like my mind forgets sometimes!

Yes there have been good times with my inlaws. We've went out for breakfast and stuff and its been fine.

But bad outweigh the good quite a bit, and the bad are that bad........

I'll admit that I screamed at my MIL but come on! A girl can only take so much before she loses it! I kept my mouth shut for a long time on stuff....I have no regrets for letting her have it...

this is one thig that i have learned when it comes to MIL and solving the "problems" that there may be. there is only on solution as far as MIL is concerned and that is divorce. scorptones is right triing to talk about it will only make it worse and give MIL more ammo agaisnt you. believe me ive tried.

in agreeance and the fact she cant talk to u both is the hint that shes trying to get involved. find away to distract yourself away from them. i know how you feel when your in limbo between still wanting to be part of their family...they screw with ur head by being nice sometimes and arses the next. i just started going to my parents and friends places more and distracting myself. also staying away from other ppl linked so u dont hear n e thing about them.

agreed poorammie, they toyed with us and yet we are the ones in limbo and they dont care so neither should we. try and get away from it thats what we do so far it is working. almost 3 months

We are trying. FH and I have been talking about it to work through all the emotions and I think were starting to just forget about it slowly.

I just remind myself of everything thats happened and that I don't really think it will ever change.

When you are dealing with crazy drama whores, things will most likely never change much. Trust me I know! My BIL and MIL are always mad at me and husband about something. I tried to fix things with BIL several times and he refused to discuss things, which tell me he wants to be miserable and demonstrated this by showing up to our wedding in black, along with his wife and 10 year old daughter. We are happy with each other and stopped trying to please them a while ago. Although this made them act out more, I think they will eventually give up if we don't give them a reaction. I'm sure the same will happen in your situation as well. If not, continue to stay away and be happier for it!

I broke down crying last night after SIL texted FH about Christmas.

I just want nothing to do with any of them unless its for them to say sorry and admit to things.

FH is so confused about how I can be fine and not care and then be in tears the next minute. I think its just my way of dealing. I'm working through it. FH is doing really well though!

we all do that missdish.  I have been waiting for my apology for a year now and I will never see it.  Although I may act civil around them, because thats just me, I dont trust or like them. I know how two faced they really are now and all I can hope is they keep their attention off of me and DH. The less contact the better. I go through those doubts all the time about trying to make things right but I also have to remember all the past times i've tried to make things right and it blow up in my face. All I can do now is try not to live my life negatively like they do, so i'll never end up like them. Its always best to look for the good, but sometimes there is no good and all you can do is protect yourself from future harm.  We cant change what they've done nor will they admit how wrong they were and its not our responsibility to help them realize it.  The only thing we need to do is keep our family, you and DH, doing well. As long as DH does not want to try and make up, and DH has gone through this decades longer than me, he knows them alot better, then he is probably right that there is no hope and with my experience with them this past year i'll have to agree with him. Trying to make things right with them will make things worse in my life and DH's life. I know the holidays are coming up and everyone wants to come together and play nice but I have to keep in mind how long it will last. A month maybe and then they will hit us harder than they did before. I know I sound guarded but at least i'm not attacking them just protecting me. There is no point in defending myself anymore, it never did any good.  There is no point in trying to come to a compromise, it never did any good only more harm. But thats just our situation.