So, my FIL calls my DH last night and the conversation I over hear is something like this...
"You haven't called us in 3 weeks, did you forget how to use a phone? We haven't seen our grandson in 4 weeks are you ever going to bring him by to see us?"
They  ALWAYS do this to my DH. Guilt is the number 1 weapon in their arsinal.
I tell DH, "You know, last time I checked their phone works and they can use it to call us too. I also believe that the road goes in both directions and it is the same distance from our house to their house as it is from their house to our house. (5 whole minutes)"
I mean, as if my DH has to be on their beck and call?!?!? They know he is working a lot. Why do they have to harass him like this? Even DH is getting sick of their antics, and he has the patience of a saint.

Poor thing! I think thats just rotten. Why should only your dh do the calling? Hmpfh! Too bad your sons not old enough to pull the guilt back on them he could call and say "How come grandpa never calls or visits me? How come the only time you talk to me is if my dad calls you first?"

Ugh we get these type of emails the latest one from FIL, 'I'm so worried about you son, I never hear from either of you; please call me immediately!' They cc me on them constantly, since he doesn't reply to them why the hell should I? I did once or twice and learned my lesson there, he constantly sends me aggrivating emails which I now just delete.

Never does he phone us or email us to see how we are or invite us anywhere, when he wants help or money F/MIL magically remember our phone number easy enough.

Your dh is dealing with them and let him continue to. I absolutely will not deal with mine any longer, they are toxic selfish people who only contact my dh when they want his help or money. He doesn't see it this way and I've given up on him ever realizing how they really are. I have seen all of them once since January and that works just fine for me, the less I see of them the happier I am.

This post was last modified: 08-05-2008 04:07 PM by Katalyst.

I too have put an end to dealing with them and their childish selfishness. I will not call them or deal with them unless there is an emergency. I will not visit them unless it is Christmas, DS's B-Day, or a rare occasion. I simply cannot deal with them any longer and after 10 years of this I feel I have truly tried my best to deal with them. But after everything I have tried I too have found that the best soulution is not to talk to them at all. The less I see them the happier I am.

Same here! My in-laws live 10 minutes up the road! My mil is home all day and I am home all day with my son who is off from school. Does she ever call to come see him? No! When he was younger he didn't care but now that he is 8 his eyes are starting to open!! We keep our distance because my son got his feelings hurt very badly when he was invited to their house and then they decide to leave so him and my dh come home. Who does that?? They complain because they have not seen their grandson in 3 weeks, but the road goes both ways baby! What's wrong with your phone? What's wrong with your car? Sorry- I lost focus there for a minute, back to you.
I totally understand your problem. I totally agree with you. I'm not sure why parents try to guilt their children? Maybe your dh should tell them that he's been busy and why don't they try to call or come over. Maybe if you bring it to their attention they can change (I doubt it though, mine will NEVER change).

My in-laws know better than to complain about no contact, since that is my MIL's mojo to not be in touch.  I have stopped responding to her emails - although I did email to rub in the fact my daughter had a wonderful bday, despite the fact she sent a package on my dd's bday full of stuff for my son (her biological grandson) and nothing for my daughter (who is from my 1st marriage).  Dh emailed her and let her know that was NOT OK!  My MIL tried emailing me later pretending nothing had happened, which I ignored.  I think she might be finally getting the impression I'm not pleased about it and won't soon forget.  It sounds petty, but as you all know, it is just the tip of the iceburg!

This post was last modified: 08-07-2008 09:47 AM by mainegirl.

This has been a good thread. Its been really validating to me to see this seems to be common with dysfunctional inlaws.

Yep, it is nice to know that none of us are alone!
I love this website and all you gals! It helps me to hear all the different perspectives and also to have my feelings/actions validated.
We're all in this together! :)

i feel terrible for those that live so close..although evil knows no distance barriers...my MIL will gladly drive 2 1/2 hrs to belittle me..life must be very boring at home for her!
or maybe its just cause i wont drive 2/1/2 hrs to put up with it..
this reminds me of a story, one fine weekend 2 yrs ago,we drove down to visit them..pretty smooth going weekend, we spent alot of time outside which is always good ..sunday morning MIL starts freakin out about me leaving calamine lotion on the kitchen table where i was dottingit on my daughters mosquito bites ( same table i watched BIL prink finger and do blood test at the thanksgiving dinner years ago- so tell me about disgusting)  anyhow her rank blows up into the full blown "whats wrong with that girl?" rant everytime i leave the room...HEY WaLLS! I can still HEAR you!!!!!..i was soo sick of her b.s. that i just grabbed my stuff and my daughter jumped in the car and let MIL and FIl drive dh 2.5 hrs home later that day..

Good for you Corkie! I'm glad you have enough self respect not to take insults like that.