Just wondering if other "mama's boys" had the same dynamic.  I've been noticing more and more how (to me) strangely DH's family works.  No one disagrees with anyone, much less the matriarch.  Men are treated like children.  They are fed, revered, but not given any say in the decision making process.  The younger women are shoved to the side.

They don't talk to each other.  Just casual chit chat like sports, the weather, neighbors.  I have never seen an argument, not once!  Anyone who dares upset the system is basically shut out, treated really poorly.  

I'm wondering if other DHs have the same thing.  They aren't allowed an opinion or to disagree.  Yes, no one argues but it's a weird feeling.  Like a hive brain or something.

In my family, we talk/argue all the time.  Everyone has an opinion and things are hashed out.  I feel like my mother is an equal now that I'm an adult.  I love her like a mother of course but I no longer think of her as my 'boss', you know?

This post was last modified: 07-07-2008 10:44 AM by hungrycaterpillar.

No one in dh's family tries to disrupt the MIL and GMIL.... no one agrees w/ them but don't dare to stand up for themselves; they just mutter behind their backs; I was the first one to start in w/ standing up for myself b/c like you; my family all have different opinions but we all talk about them; its not big deal.
Slowly people in dh's family are following me but its a slow process to take down the queen bee and her spawn :o)

Well, misery loves company ... YES, my FH's family dynamic is EXACTLY the same. FMIL (aka "Queen Bee) RULES the hive - she dictates all family moves and if any of her grown children and their spouses make major life decisions without her guidance/input, she is "wounded", tantrums, talks badly about them to all other family members and gives the silent treatment for an "appropriate amount of time" as punishment for their naughty behavior......[because, OF COURSE, none of them are capable of making their own decisions].

She constantly puts down/belittles ALL inlaws - and YES, all the men (her husband, her son (my FH), and the SILs' husbands) are all inept and incapable of making sound decisions and incapable of reering children appropriately.

ILs usually all b*tch about her behind her back - but NO ONE dare stand up to her. My FH (sort of) stood up to her (more accurately he questioned her "judgements") when she told him that I was controlling, that he was making a mistake with me and that I did not really love him.... That was three weeks ago and she has been ignoring him (won't answer calls or emails) ever since... He told me what she said about me and, in her eyes, that was the ULTIMATE betrayal.. so she is "making him pay"...

Oddly enough, the ILs who normally complain about MIL and her bossy, snooty, judgemental, often cruel ways, all rallied WITH MIL against my FH (and me)... they ALL are giving him the silent treatment and telling him he should apologize to her...... it's been a big, ugly mess. She has even had siblings and old friends call FH to try to "talk some sense into him"... WTF?!?! I am getting blamed for him standing his ground. And they all see him as being disrepectful to the Queen "B".... It's SERIOUSLY an "Us or them" situation.. they want FH to choose Me or them... It is twisted and sick..

SO, my FH is over at their house RIGHT NOW, attempting to actually "stand up" to Queen B MIL and tell her that she cannot keep trying to sabotage our relationship; and that it is disrespectful to him for her to put me down and not accept our relationship.

She is SOOOOO TOXIC... as I am sure your's is too.... Hang in there and know that there are more of us out there who feel your pain...
AAAHHHHH. Those toxic MILs infuriate me....

Hahaha, poor erin!  My MIL isn't nearly as toxic as yours - I soooo feel for you!  She would never criticize me to my DH.  I have a feeling she thinks certain things but they haven't gotten back to me.  Since I talk some shit about her I kind of figure it goes both ways!  But, she has always been nice to my face and DH's.  The main problem is the regression into childhood. It's like he turns into a little boy.

As of yet, I haven't really challenged the hive but I have set some boundaries.  Of course, DH can't manage to help uphold them....

What are they so afraid of?