What kind of issues do you have with your MIL and the holidays? I had Thanksgiving at my house one year. My inlaws came over along with my FIL's brother and MIL's sister (who were also married). They ate and then left, but came back over a few hours later to eat again. The nerve!

thats tacky! what did dh say about that? my mil expects us to spend every holiday with her and not with my mom. my mom is alone and mil has her hubby and sil and grandson living with her. last year we had planned to go over my moms in the morning and i was going to make a big xmas breakfast and we planned on going over to mils in the afternoon. (around 4:oo) she was so pissed becasue bils wife was ging over to her fathers at night so mils was unable to have all her kids at her house on xmas day. she threw a fit saying that its not fair blah blah blah... and i told my husband "listen, your mom bitches and moans about it while my mom sits alone and says that she understands that her kids have other families to see so we are keeping our plans and that is that." DH agreed that mil was being selfish so we kept our plans as was. I also have a long story about how we had my ILs fam xmas party at our house last year and what a mess MIL made out of it! ill save it when we are closer to the holidays. just thinking about it makes my blood boil!

I dont have any (where we gonna go) issues at Christmas, Thankyou very much. Altho she is more than welcome to come here if she wants to. She always has an excuse. I think the real reason is that she would actually have to buy me a gift. I actually offered to go stay in a motel last christmas if she wanted to come visit. How she can continue to blame me and make me out to be a bad person when I offer to sacrifice so much for her I will never understand. And these sacrifices arent done to just make me look good, they come from the heart. Maybe thats why it hurts so much.

Christmas used to be tho. (When we lived in Maine) always had to be at her house. And Thanksgiving, until She decided that we would start doing resturants. Halloween of course she had good spots for trick or treating. Fourth of July fireworks, we went with her.  And summer stuff, parades, fairs,picnics, camping,  balloon festivals, we did what she wanted to do.   That was ok tho, I conceded each and everyone without ever complaining, I gave this to her out of deference to her being older and hopefully wiser. Respected her.

But Easter I made mine. I made those people come over and dye easter eggs, ( they hated it but being polite they did it.) I cooked rabbit for dinner. It went well until the last year when they stormed out of the house because I wasnt managing my sons temper tantrum well anough to suit them.

sound slike they were just coming up with an excuse not to be there! what the hell do they know about how to deal with YOUR sons tantrums anyways! what did she say to you about it? i dont know what it is about  mils but it seems that when they become grandparents they seem to full of sooooo much wisdom on parenting. they know just how to deal with any and every problem! it must be such a curse to see how  badly there kids (mainly the DILs of corse) are treating there poor grandkids and them just filled with all the worldly wisdoms of child rearing and they feel so helpless and all they can do is give us stupid clueless lowly parents advice onto how better to raise OUR kids. when my MIL gives "advice" i am always so tempted to remind her that she sent her kids away to other realitives to raise so if her advice is going to mimic how she raised her kids she can keep it to herself.

I actually don't mind the rest of my ILs, just the MIL.  We usually go to my DH's aunt's (MIL's sister) for Xmas eve in odd-numbered years and have all the ILs at our house for Xmas eve in even-numbered years.  Thanksgiving and easter are usually when we have my dad out to our house, and the MIL always refuses to come for that holiday because she hates my dad.  However this year will present 'special' issues because it is the first year with our son - his first Xmas, Thanksgiving, etc. and DH and I have made it a point to invite both sides of the family to everything and let them decide what they want to do.  I just refuse to listen to anyone's whining about who's going to be there or why can't we go to their house - nope, sorry, we have the infant so everyone can haul their ass to my house this year or stay the heck home.  My dad is coming out for our son's first birthday, and the MIL will just have to 'lower' herself to attend with my family there if she wants to be there at all.  

The rest of the ILs were very complimentary the last time we had them at our house for Xmas and everyone but you know who seemed to have a good time - I actually really like my MIL's sister, brother, and their kids.  It makes the stress of dealing with MIL a little better to have some pleasant company around!

what does your mil have agianst your dad? my mil acts as if my mom is a peasant. she is always making comments about her not having much money and stuff like that like she is rolling in it or something. mil is very  materialistic and acts as if that it was makes a person. its so annoying. she always asks what my mom got us for xmas and stuff. not that she is just asking to make pleasant conversation but to compare and of corse she feels she always "wins" in her mind. what she doesnt get is the fact that when we go to my moms for xmas its becasue we wnat to spend time with eachother and we dont go crazy with the gifts. when we go to mils it s becasue she will throw a fit if we dont and her millions of gifts to to 1) is so she can feel that she is the greatest and to show how much she "really" cares 2) so she can buy off the fact that she was a bitch all year. (even though she makes rude comments on xmas too!)

Oh man, I thot I was the only one out there that got upset with how many presents she gave. I remember the first Christmas with her. There was mil, fil, hubby and me only.  She had over three hundred presents. And then the gift certificates started coming out.  I was in shock.Of course my pile started twindleing over the years until I now get zip. And my mil doesnt like my parents either. Who is she to judge them when she doesnt even know them. She met them one time when my parents flew to the east coast for my first childs birth. She saw them for one whole hour while my dad took all of us out to eat.  And I still to this day am confused over the temper tantrum thing. I dont remember my son doing anything too bad that day, but Im sure he was cause it had been a long day and he was tired. He was three. I remember coming out of my kitchen from checking the food cooking and they were putting on their coats to leave. They mumbled something about how they wernt gonna tolerate his shit and left.

This post was last modified: 09-21-2006 12:48 PM by jeanine.

Well, I have yet to have the dubious honor of a holiday at the in-laws, and with 12,000 miles to separate us, I'm assuming it won't happen with any great regularity, but I suspect if any holiday will be visited it will be xmas.  It will be 120 in Australia at xmas.  I am not very good in the heat, nor do I tolerate bugs, snakes, etc very well, so it ought to be interesting when we finally do fly there for xmas some year.  

They are used to just leaving some of the doors wide open without screens so that the dog can go in and out at will (ever heard of a doggie door, people?!).  Because of this, carpet pythons and other snakes are known to just slither on in at will.  Yippee?  Also these non-screened doors invite every mosquito and creepy crawlie from the bushland into the house as well, which no one seems to be bothered with.  I, for one, am not a fan of letting bugs run amok in one's house.  When a few sneak in when you open the door, that's one thing.

If the past gift-giving by my FMIL is any indication, I can expect some real doozies for gifts.  I'm still trying to figure out how she could think a handmade (candy?) bowl, stained in a sloppy sort of tie-dye pattern of blues and muddy browns, is the ideal gift to give me to decorate my house with....

I hate when people get stugg for my house, because i feel rude if i dont put it out. before DH and i were married MIL made DH an american flag that she had knitted and wanted me to put it up in my house. (it didnt match anything of mine DH had no furniture because he lived on base so we of corse used my stuff) well when SIL, BIL, and BILs wife came to visit when they went back hime MIL asked if i had put up the knitted flag she made. they told her NO. well she brought it up to me a few times in her famous uncomfortable way and i finally told her that it didnt match anything and when DH and i get a house and he has his man room he can put it down there if he wants to. she then told me that i should let DH have a say in the decorating too... and i said that that wasnt really his thing and he loves how i make the house warm and clean and comfy and he has no prob with the fact the flag isnt up. she rolled her eyes at me (an idecation that i have won that conversation)

CGAndrea, the MIL has similar issues with my dad as yours does with your mom - I think my MIL sees herself as 'above' him since we are working class and they are upper middle class.  Also, I will admit that my dad has a somewhat 'blue' sense of humor and at times tells inappropriate stories/jokes.  Nothing too bad and nothing that other people are bothered by, but she is more on the 'proper' side.  His speech is also not 'proper' - although he got a college degree on the GI bill, he still uses 'ain't' and improper english a lot, and I think that makes the MIL think he's stupid (which he is NOT).