Ok so something I've talked with FH about is that I think that everything would just get worse when we have our first baby. We are the first to get married, and unless someone messes up we will have the first grandchild.

There is already fights about where we should be on holidays, shes made comments on choices we've made about religion and all the other stuff.

So when we have a baby I see fights over birthdays and christmas - who gets the baby's first (beyond us of course) I even wonder if she would want to be in the delivery room!

FH and I have already set out things for kids like:
-I get to pick whos in the delivery room, and she won't be
-I will get to say when I'm up for company at the hospital, I don't even want them called until we have the baby
-we will not be putting our kids in religious schools, as we would like them to chose what they believe, they will also not be baptised.

note: MIL is cathloic, FH and siblings were baptised and went to cathloic schools (she already commented on the fact that were having a civil wedding ceremony.

My boss at work had MIL until the grandkids came, and then something snapped and she changed. I just don't see that happening.

Of course I might not have to worry about this seeing as we don't talk to them right now and don't know if we ever will again...but you never know...

What about everyone else?

well mme and Dh are the first in his family to get married but the third in mine. my siblings, the ones who have children (only one each), arent planning on having more children. And the other one, the eldest, doesnt plan to anytime soon plus he's not married. SIL had a son a couple weeks before we got married i'm sure she was pissedddddd. oh well I didnt even know her. They all thought we would have popped out a child by now, making little comments here and there. But we've kept firm to our plan. we dont plan on children for at least another 5 years. We are moving towards my family, because they have better influences and I want my children around my family. This i'm sure will be hard for his family since they live across the country, but we made are choice and voiced it loud and clear. I'm sure they are just waiting for us to screw up or change our minds. They wont be baptist because my family is full of religions, though his is catholic. And none of them have a say in any of it. I'm sure they will bitch about not seeing the child, but me and DH dont care. When we do come to visit we wont tell them or see them.
this may seem like revenge or cruel but if you knew the family they live in you would understand. the conversations they have , which are inappropriate, the way they treat people, gossip, manipulative, drinking, drugs, i dont need them giving my child a cig at 12 and saying how cool aunts and uncle they are!

as of right now we go back in forth between holidays, we will try to do the same if we can with our children, although it may become costly. and only with the relatives we see as safe. other than that no one has a say in the way we raise our children and most of them know that and understand. But who knows once we do have children! I think i'll be a protective mother even though i'm quiet now, because those our my children. me and DH talk about everything now, with children and other, so we already have school, eating, exercise etc in our heads. Things may change but at least for now we are on the same page. So its always a good thing to talk it out first before the child comes and it becomes overwhelming.

This post was last modified: 11-16-2007 10:58 AM by scorptones.

I want to be able to raise my kids the way that FH and I want. Not they way she did.

Holidays are a nightmare. Back in June we told MIL that we wouldn't be with them Christmas day and she flipped. Her and FIL were like "well we went and saw both parents that day so you could at least come down for breakfast or something"

Lets see first Christmas in our own place ---no thanks we'd like to have breakfast at our place and do presents..

No respect for us spending time with my family...she lost it when we spent FH bday with my family...SIL called and said to FH "You should be with your family right now"

that is his family, and its none of their business. as long as you do spend some holidays with them, maybe just one, and you dont have to its not a law, they shouldnt bitch. and if they do its on them, dont answer their calls if thats all they want. childish i tell you. what if he went to a bar? would they still be mad. I'd be pissed cause he's trying to get close to my family, and them bitching is saying my family isnt good enough, and he shouldnt be. I'm glad he spent it with your family, it shows them that he truly cares.
they dont understand that its no longer all about their fam, you have yours, and the both of you have "ours", and you will spend "ours" however you please and feel comfortable. If they were nicer about it maybe you would have spent it with them. look deep into the mirror.

This post was last modified: 11-16-2007 11:42 AM by scorptones.

We've always tried our best to balance our time between both families, my family is more understanding that its about the time and not the day. To MIL its like if its not on the exact holiday its not good enough.

I love that FH has a great relationship with my family, hes calls my mom "mom", and even my grandparents grandma and grandpa. My whole family loves him. He even went to my cousins to fish without me.

My mom had a bad MIL so she understands and knows her place. Where MIL got along better with her MIL than her own Mom. So I have that to fight. MIL's MIL has passed on so. I dont know how demanding her MIL was on them or what that relationship was like, but if she always gave into her MIL shes prob expecting the same thing from us

DH and I talk about it too; We've already decided no familiy members will be in the delivery room and WHEN I decide I am up for visitors I decide who comes in and who doesn't....
And we've talked about holidays too; I've already told him I am not carting our poor kids all over creation all day on Christmas when I know they want to be home playing w/ their new toys.
MIL keeps mentioning kids and so does GMIL; we are the oldest and first to get married on his side of the family; youngest and last on mine; my brother already is married and has a kid so the excitment won't be as dramatic on my side.... his family I can already imagine will be trying to break down the delivery room door LOL.... 2 more years though; thats our plan.
I'm fighting for the holidays again this year; we worked out Thanksgiving pretty nicely no GMIL (WooHoo!) this year.... now I am working on Christmas; I put my foot down about buying presents for his entire blood line; we just don't have the money and once kids come along we DEFINITLEY won't; I won that one; now I am working on not being gone from 6am to 10pm on Christmas day.... one step at a time :o)
I plan to have everything running smoothly by the time kids come into the picture.

oh the delivery room, lol DH and I have talked about that. I told him I wanted no one in the but him, which may not be true I may end up having my mom. He asked if his mom could be in their, which isnt too bad since I do get along with her just fine, but I said no since I will be in pain and its our day. In fact I told him I rather it just be me and him and once the baby is born to call people when we are up to it, it may not even be that day. He was understanding and agreed. Haha some inlaws will have to hear it through the grapevine, and just in case we havent moved till them, i will always be too tired for company hehehe.
last year his fam got christmas, tday and new years. This year my fam gets either all of them, or we may end up spending new years by ourselves, dont know yet. But thats the plan.
we had a huge thing about the wedding, me and DH almost had a big wedding this coming march but wth money we decided to hold off, my family would be pissed if we had it here, since none of them were at the ceremony. (remember his lives here, mine lives across the country). But only a few members from his side would show. If we had it here and his family is alot bigger only maybe one member of mine would show (the one we are seeing for tday since she lives on this side of the country). it was hard because my dream wedding would be both sides getting to know eachother but I dont see this every happening. but if we wait another half decade maybe we can pay ourselves to fly people out. we will have to see.
christmas gifts are killer my fam knows its hard so they only want us to get the children though DH wants to get everyone, his first xmas with them, lol its cute. his fam knows too but I dont know what they are expecting, we will probably get a few gifts. They always have this xmas game ppl pick names out of a hat and thats who you get for, but they ruined my xmas last year I wouldnt even come downto do it, so DH had to do it for me, this year we agreed because they are horrible to us we arent playing it and we are going to ask them not to put our names in there at all.

This post was last modified: 11-16-2007 04:18 PM by scorptones.

the thing that effected us was the fact that it gave MIL sonmething else to give unwanted advice about. Not to mention by the sound of her you would think that she won the "#1 best mother of the world" award. its crazy because if you talked with DH, SIL, and BIL you would quickely come to the conclution that she was  a terrible mother and she thinks she rates to give her kids and their spouces advice. Im just waiting for her to come up with a nother did about my parenting so i can say "WOW ,MIL, by the way everyone talks about your parenting it seems that you have learned ALOT since raising your kids"