Ok, well I have to vent a bit. I have stayed away from mil, fil and sil. My life is almost drama free. However, we do get invited to family parties, but my dh never wants to go and wants to keep the distance as much as possible. Here's my problem - When we get invited to gatherings my dh makes up an excuse like we are going out of town or we are going to friends for dinner. So, instead of relaxing in we really have to find something to do because my insane in-laws will have people drive by and see if we are home. Don't you think that is creepy?? Once we were going out of town to a wedding but in the evening. They had a friend of my bil drive by to see if we were home and called my dh cellphone to see where we were because his friend saw us leaving the neighborhood that evening and we were suppose to be out of town. It seems like no matter where we go we run into my mil and sil!!!! We live in a pretty big city and this should not happen! I just think it's creepy. My dh thinks it's creepy too, but he says we can't really do anything about it. Does anyone else think that's creepy??

Hum... I'm trying to put myself in your place and figure out how I'd feel.... I am thinking I would be annoyed more than anything...

Why do you guys "make up" excuses? Could you tell them the truth-ish.. that you are tired and just want to stay home and relax? Be polite and tell them you appreciate the invite, but you want had planned on "chillin out" together and relaxing? OR that you HAVE to clean your house? (If your life is anything like mine, I only have weekends and 1-2 weeknights that I can run errands/clean house... my work schedule and FH's work schedule are chaotic.. and we work long days.. so even though it does not make my IL's happy.. we tell them the truth - we have too much to do and that we'd like some downtime)... They don't like it, but -they can't argue if you're being honest....at least you'd be able to say no and still stay at home like you wanted.. not feeling like they were "checking up on you"...

It's sad that they feel like they have to check up on you, but maybe they "feel like" you are lying to them, so they just want confirmation? I wouldn't like it either.....It would make me uncomfortable.

Yes, it's creepy. Say something!  Go ahead and say "We think it's a little creepy to be checked up on! If we say we can't make it to an event, that's what we mean. We don't need to be checked up on to make sure we have a valid "excuse" for it! Even if it wasn't a "good excuse", we shouldn't be expected to go to EVERY event. We have our own family and our own lives outside of yours."

I hear you guys loud and clear! I think lying and making excuses is dumb, but my dh doesn't want to hurt his mom's feelings. I think I need to stress it a bit more. Also, I think that she wants her entire family at these gatherings to show off that we're all a big happy family to her sisters and brothers. The reality is that we're not! We rarely speak or see each other, and that's the way we both like it. I hate to be fake and smile and laugh and make happy, even if it is for a couple of hours. I save those occassions for Christmas and birthdays. I know it sounds mean, but these people are CREEPY! Who has someone followed? We live ten minutes from each other, but I never drive by their house to see if they are home. I could care less. Weirdos!

I would make up excuses, too. My husband and I are total conflict weenies. Really, totally Oscar Meyer over here! I think part of it is that the retribution from conflict makes me ill, and part of it is because his family is so "in your face" controlling that we have difficult saying "No". Was your husband allowed to say "No" to his parents growing up? It was forbidden in both mine and my husbands childhoods. I think this is why we still struggle with it as adults.

My MIL has done that before as well. The last time she called and wanted to come, we did have plans. First she asked who with. I thought that was nosey! I said "friends". Then she drove by and left gifts in a krogers bag attached to our doorknob. Weird!!!

Can you pull your car around the back of your house? LOL.

Hahaha! I wish it were that simple! I park in the garage, but my dh's big dully truck is too big and sits in the driveway. Isn't it funny how our in-laws do whatever possible to push is out of their lives, but we should allow them in ours when it is convenient for them! I'm not worried about it anymore. I just really needed to vent!! Venting done! Thanks for listening! I'm going to the movies now. TTYL! :)