most of you know from past post that my siblings in law have had it out for me and DH from the get go. It didnt matter what we did it was always wrong. Well after coming back for a great trip with FIL we go to his house only to have them once again start crap. Dh and I have been forced to stop talking to them because they are so vicous and twist our words. Well I dont feel its right to feel uncomfortable walking into a room with all of them their and not one of them says hi to me. I use to say hi to them but they would ignore me or roll their eyes. So I just stopped well, the day before tday SIL threw a fit we didnt want to come over, then threw a fit we were coming over. Today her and BIL and gf started shit saying how "they dont feel comfortable in their own house because some people are too good to say hi" well they yelled that walking out the door. First off we cant do anything right, second they could have easily said hi to me. FIL is pissed off finally after a year of this going on and he had just defended them not an hour before saying how they were growing up and to come home to this. He is enraged. DH is fed up and tired. Step MIL doesnt want to deal with it. And I got once again emotional defending my side which I dont have to and all of them know it. FIL commends me for not saying anything back or going down to their level. step MIL keeps saying one day they will grow up. my mother says never to go back into that house of see them again. My family already hates them and I have done everything I can but I cant anymore. FIL says ignore it and continue what we do. FIL wants to move far away from it and keeps telling me and DH to please give him a grandchild before he dies so he can have some kind of family lol. FIL can be cute sometimes begging us to take him with him when we move away. I am threw. I am done. With everything that has happened. We cut them off 3 months ago but remained civil when we had to go to family events ie tday. But its done we wont even be attending those events. The family understands and supports us saying some people will never change. Its sad that they just cant help themselves but start drama. FIL saw first hand BIL gf which was great! lol FIL also once again saw his children will never grow up and mature. We have already won, and they look like crap. My only thing is no one can feel comfortable when we are around because everyone is on their toes wondering what next can happen. I feel horrible being once again attacked and gained up on. I know there is nothing anyone can do at this point, everyone has tried, they only thing now is those children can go to hell. And this is why I hesitated to make nice with them again, sad thing is I was actually pondering it. But I knew they just cant help themselves, they love to start drama. What did we do? walked into the house. Its not even their house. They are adults. Well cutting them off must have really pissed them off because they werent getting the reaction they wanted and so now they must try another way, sad part is they still wont get the reaction they want. They still look bad and we still wont talk to them. good job siblings in law!

If you get along well with FIL I wouldn't let those arses scare you away from visiting him!  Next time, be obnoxious and make a grand entrance! Say something like "WELLLLLL HELLLLOOOOOO EVERYBODY!" and don't wait for an answer, just start chatting about somthing like "It's so great to be here! We just got done shopping! Wow, the traffic out there is murder! So, FIL, how's it going? Anything new?" That way, you've said hello, so no one can bitch about it!  Let them storm off if they like! I mean, seriously, that leaves the house nice and peaceful for you to enjoy your visit with your FIL!

when dealing with difficult people
1. Don't get Hooked !!!

When people behave towards you in a manner that makes you feel angry, frustrated or annoyed - this is known as a Hook.

We can even become "Hooked" by the way people look, how they talk, how they smell and even by their general demeanour.

If we take the bait then we are allowing the other person to control our behaviour. This can then result in an unproductive response.

We have a choice whether we decided to get hooked or stay unhooked.

2. Don't let them get to you.

We often allow the other persons attitude to irritate or annoy us. This becomes obvious to the other person through our tone of voice and our body language. This only fuels a difficult situation.

When dealing with difficult people, stay out of it emotionally and concentrate on listening non-defensively and actively. People may make disparaging and emotional remarks - don't rise to the bait!



people who are AGRESSIVE and MANIPULATIVE often use

Denial – This is when the aggressor refuses to admit that they've done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have.Selective Inattention – This tactic is similar to and sometimes mistaken for denial It's when the aggressor "plays dumb," or acts oblivious.Rationalization- A rationalization is the excuse an aggressor tries to offer for engaging in an inappropriate or harmful behavior.Diversion- A moving target is hard to hit. Lying –It's often hard to tell when a person is lying at the time he's doing it. Fortunately, there are times when the truth will out because circumstances don't bear out somebody's story. Covert Intimidation –Aggressors frequently threaten their victims to keep them anxious, apprehensive and in a one-down position. Guilt-tripping -One thing that aggressive personalities know well is that other types of persons have very different consciences than they do. Shaming –This is the technique of using subtle sarcasm and put-downs as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others.Playing the Victim Role –This tactic involves portraying oneself as an innocent victim of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain sympathy, evoke compassion and thereby get something from another.Vilifying the Victim –This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the tactic of playing the victim role.Playing the Servant Role - Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agendas in the guise of service to a more noble cause.It's a common tactic but difficult to recognize. By pretending to be working hard on someone else's behalf, covert-aggressives conceal their own ambition, desire for power, and quest for a position of dominance over others.Seduction -Covert-aggressive personalities are adept at charming, praising, flattering or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and surrender their trust and loyalty.Projecting the blame (blaming others)- Aggressive personalities are always looking for a way to shift the blame for their aggressive behavior. MinimizationThis tactic is a unique kind of denial coupled with rationalization. When using this maneuver, the aggressor is attempting to assert that his abusive behavior isn't really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. It's the aggressor's attempt to make a molehill out of a mountain.

as a way to hurt you. Look up these words for definitions. Dont play into it.

..>..> ..>  Dealing with a bitch


..>..> ..>   No matter how old we get, we will always come up against people we don't get on with. It's just a given, a fact of life.

We can't expect to get along with everyone (although sometimes it's hard to admit this) and we just have to accept that. There are, however, others you will come up against who are just plain mean.

They are not just mean, they are nasty. So nasty, in fact, that we could call them bullies. Or, since we're all adults here, we could call them bitches. These women go around making our lives a complete misery.

They may have taken an instant dislike to us, without cause, and it is difficult to understand why. What is it that we've done to make these people dislike us so much?

The fact is there will never be any real answers. These people, while perhaps not inherently evil (or maybe they are), do have something very wrong with them. It's called ego. These people think they are somehow better than the rest of us and they have very little means by which to base their claims.

Some think they are more attractive, some think they are more intelligent, some think they are more spiritually aware but most of the time this stuff isn't justified and, more often than not, is completely untrue.

These women tend to gossip about you to your colleagues, they tend to lie behind your back. Unfortunately it takes a little while for you to figure out it is in fact this person who is the cause of odd looks from your workmates. Sometimes the bitchiness, if taken to the extreme, can destroy a person's life, even lead them to death.

In my life I've had to cope with more than my fair share of bitches. And the following are tips from some of the experts as to how to deal with them.

Ways to handle a bitch:


Confront them: Like most situations, confronting someone about what their problem is, is the best way to deal with them. These people have deep-seeded internal problems and they tend to run from them, so cornering them is probably the best way to handle it. However, don't get all aggressive on it – the best way to handle people like this is to approach the situation calmly and coolly.

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer: Just be nice. Instead of focussing on why these evil people are trying to destroy you, understand it's not what you've done, it's who they are. Some people are passionate about fashion, others about art, and others are passionate about making people's lives unbearable. But can you kill someone with kindness? You can always try.

Talk to the people who she is gossiping with: Figure out what it is the bitch has been saying to these people, and make sure they are aware of the situation so they don't take it too seriously. You will probably find though that she has already been uncovered as the hater that she is and no one really listens to her anyway.

Feel sorry for her: It's difficult to get angry with people when you pity them. And why should you feel sorry for her? Because her life is so miserable that she needs to make yours equally as difficult.

Remember, your words are just as powerful as hers. The reason a bitch has so much power is because she's a good communicator. A wicked wordsmith if you will. By trying to talk things through with her you may get to the root of the problem and from there come to an amicable solution.

But the best thing to do when faced with one of these horrible beings is to surround yourself with all the people that make you feel good and special, like the person you know you are.


..>..>..>  
..>..>..>

Ridding Your Life Of Negative People
Written by Evan Bailyn on 06/20 at 02:05 PM
Negativity is a cancer that appears in many forms. Ridicule, guilt, prejudice, condescension, intimidation, and self-doubt are only a few of the ways negativity manifests itself. While some kinds of negativity come from within and cannot be easily controlled, most are caused by other people. I believe that everyone is entitled to rid themselves of these negative people in order to enjoy happier lives.

As teenagers, we often accept negative people into our lives because we are insecure and afraid of becoming the object of their wrath. We feel safer if we have them on our team. Also, we are intimidated because negative people seem to wield power. Indeed, the ability to disturb another person's day, week, or life is a form of power.

Nowadays, we feel that we are mature enough to avoid such malignant influences in our lives. However, not all negative people are as overtly mean as they were in middle school. More common are people that merely reflect negativity, like the girl who insists on informing you anytime someone speaks badly about you, or the guy who only acts nice to you when you're alone with him. These people, while not affirmatively attacking you, are quietly chipping away at your mood and self-esteem; thus, they should be removed from your life.

How do you decide who to expel? What if a long-term friend, or even a parent, is the source of negativity that is causing you to be anxious or unhappy? How can we really avoid those who have permanent places in our lives?

To help answer this question, try to detach yourself from the world of the everyday and look at things in a larger sense. As human beings, we are given the freedom to hand-pick people that contribute to our well being and enrich our lives. We are not physically bound to anyone, and many of the people we interact with every day were not even our choices, but rather the product of our environments. We have no obligation to remain loyal to those who affect us adversely unless we place little value on our happiness.

Certainly, there are situations where it is difficult to implement this philosophy of purifying your social circle. Obligations must be filled. But I urge you to examine those obligations very carefully; compare the benefit you receive from them to the amount of negativity they bring into your life each day. Remember that you deserve to be happy, and you only get one chance to do so. The older you get, the harder it is to recognize and rid yourself of the sentiments that have set into your mind. Don't let negative people interfere with your most precious natural gift: the capacity to love life.

I know mainegirl. Hey I was up there this past weekend btw.
I was telling DH we were going to go there every night for dinner and I was going to go there every afternoon and sit on the couch and wait till they say something to me. They ran off tonight only to come back 10 mins later!!!
I really dont care they talk behind my back all the time, its when they try to say something to my face that irritates the hell out of me. They are completely disrespectful and I can no longer take it. I told my fam I was going to hit one of them if they do it again my sis says just go right up and do it lol but I wont. They are trying to start a confrontation, and that just isnt right. I let it go tonight but I came home and bitched about it for about two hours. I dont want to give them the satisifaction they have gotten to me. The fact is they cant take their own medicine. It pissing them off we dont care about them and dont let them affect our behavior, yet they do because we dont go around there because of them. That is why I want to live there lol. I cant stand saying hi to them when they are rude horrible people. I cant stand when they talk to me because they are rude horrible people. I think we should keep ignoring eachother till the day FIL dies. It doesnt really matter what we do they will find something to bitch about. That is why I love the fact that we are spending holidays with my fam or MIL's family.
But I will try your advice even though looking at them pisses me off but I can only imagine what they will bitch about now, that i'm sacrastic and being rude probably.
When i'm nice, i'm fake
when I dont talk, i'm a bitch
etc etc etc etc
when I say this.........they twist the words to say..........that
funny thing is FIL was saying the same thing to step MIL tonight, he is just as enraged as me!  
Tomorrow night i'm going there
They love to run in groups trying to make a scene thing is I'm not intimidated if there is 3 or 6 of them I will stand up for myself and it wont be what they expect. They are not family, friends, they are rotten individuals who deserve no respect or courtesy i've given them. They really dont realize i'm not afraid of them, out of respect for FIL and step MIL i've done nothing. But they can just wait.........I imagine this isnt over yet.

This post was last modified: 12-03-2007 12:28 AM by scorptones.

What about having FIL over to your place instead of going to his? If he cannot drive, maybe go pick him up! This would be a surefire way to try to avoid those arses!

p.s. Scorptones, love your post!  I am going to copy it and forward it to some friends!

they seem to be just tryin to make u crack...very passive aggressively too...u need to find something that frustrates them- and it s probably just going to fil and being really close to him- i would try and find a nice way to get on top- make urself in control of it...they cant upset u if there cut already...
its good u have the support of the parents...at least they have there heads screwed on...my parent in laws lost there heads long ago- they stick up for the shit the sibling in laws do...its so annoying...it can be irrational shit and there in the right and we are wrong....

They use to stick up for the siblings in law saying its just all misunderstandings and stuff and how they just dont understand me etc etc but lately they are realizing that just isnt true. FIL is pissed at step MIL for not doing anything about those children. Fact is those children will never change, they will always be horriible individuals and I dont want them in our lives. So last time we said if they did one more thing we would just not even go over there for family events, well they did one more thing its over. I actually was really pissed looking and talking to DH last night because he is apart of them, even though he didnt choose to be. I feel bad now, I know he has tried and given up. All I really want is for him to call them up and tell them how horrible people they are and how he hopes he never see's any of them again and they are disowned. He has already disowned them but they cant take a hint I feel he should just tell them so maybe they will get the point.
We are going to remain nice and not talk shit to FIL or step MIL but we will never go over there again, they are more than welcome to come here or meet us somewhere else. These children arent worth our time when we have plenty other great family to spend our energy on. I was extremely pissed last night but every incident does that to me. I'm not going to take the bait!!!! if they start a confrontation in a public place I will get a restraining order on them. They are not my family and never will be. If they try and talk to me i will nicely say "You are a horrible person full of negatively always trying to hurt others to make yourselves feel better, I have done nothing wrong and i'm not playing your games, I dont want to associate myself with you in anyway, goodbye" I know they will run and bitch to FIL and step MIL and probably twist how I said it or what I said. At this point though I dont care. Plus I am going to tell FIL ahead of time what i'm going to say and how i'm going to say it that way they cant twist it.
If this does start drama in that family, most people already know our reasons and take our side and for the rest who are caught up in this drama we wont be hearing or talkign to them anyway. This can no longer affect our lives.
I will however talk to FIL and tell him the situation that maybe we should rotate family events around them or find someway where we are still part of the family just never aroudn them!

P.S. poorammie we know it pisses them off that FIL likes us more but they spend more time with step MIL. Plus the reasons why FIL likes us more is because we arent like them! Its really their issue and we are just there to watch. We arent even doing anything and yet the play goes on. We will continue to not do anything and see what happens. but I will keep all of you informed~

This post was last modified: 12-03-2007 10:11 AM by scorptones.