Hi! My husband is 27 years old and has wanted to be a police officer since he was a kid. He just spent the last 7 years working in real estate sales and hated every minute of it. He made some money, saved some money, and bought some nice things, including his house. His father owned the company he worked for, [His parents are divorced] and recently sold the company. My husband sees this as the perfect opportunity to enter the police academy and have the career he has always wanted. I fully support my husband in whatever he wants to do. On one hand I would be happy if he continued working in sales because he is good at it, he makes plenty of money, we have nice things, no debt, and we don't have to worry about our financial situation. On the other hand, I don't feel that he should spend the rest of his life unhappy, for money. I fully support and encourage my husband to have the career in law enforcement he has always wanted. We know that our lives will change, but are willing to deal with it.

His mother (and the rest of his family) on the other hand [who have tons of money] thinks that he should work the job that is going to earn him the most money. And that it is "a step backwards" to take a job making less money. His step father thinks that all law enforcement is corrupt (possibly because he can't seem to follow a single law). Maybe its because I'm kind of new at this whole adult, married life thing, but shouldn't a grown man who supports himself be able to choose where he works without his parent's influence? He did what his family wanted him to do when he was 20 by working in real estate. I feel like I was the only one that heard him complain and saw how miserable he was for those 7 years and thats why I just want him to do what is going to make him happy, especially since he will be doing it for a good portion of his life. If his family is uncomfortable with him doing a more dangerous job I certainly understand that (I'm not happy about it either). But its not my life, its his. Is there any way for me to get this point across to these people? Or should I just butt out?

This has been going on for a few weeks now and he is now reconsidering his decision to enter law enforcement because he wants his family to be happy. And he is asking me what I think he should do. I say do what is going to make yourself happy, and don't try to please me, your family, and yourself. Because its not possible. Any advice or suggestions???

Kudos to you for being so supportive of your DH and his desire to be a police officer. I am sure that means the world to him!!!
I would keep supporting him and reassuring him that you "back" whatever decision he makes..... If YOU are okay with his possible career change, and it is what he truly wants, then he doesn't need to please anyone else.

My FH fell into the same trap with his Ma for many years... she even FORCED him to choose his career path threatening to not pay for college if he didn't do as she wanted. He did it... and he worked in a job where he was unhappy for a long time. When he changed jobs w/o consulting her first, she threw a major tantrum (complete with tears and guilt attempts like "you have no respect for me") WHATEVER!! It amazes me that the women expect their grown children to do what they tell them to do!!!!

If I were you, I would stay out of it - with regards to talking to his family... he needs to fight that battle with his family, not you. He needs to be the one who tells them that this is what HE wants for his life - what he needs to be happy - and he is sorry that they do not approve, but he is a grown man. If you do it, it could result in them blaming you.... (It's easier to blame someone who is not blood).

Keep supporting and encouraging him to follow his dreams and build his selfconfidence/reassure him that he CAN go against his parents' wishes, if this is really a career he wants to pursue.
Hang in there. Keep us posted on what happens....

If I were your dh, I would probably say outright "This isn't open for discussion" and change the subject. And if they say something to you, I would say "This is about dh's choices, and this topic isn't open for discussion between us".

I feel for him- if his family has been pulling the strings for this long, it will be hard for him to "pull away". Just keep backing him! As long as he has your support, you will get through it.

I agree: It's important your hubby know you support WHATEVER decision he makes - I suspect you've already made that very clear to him, and he probably is very appreciative.  Just let him handle his family.  This is a crossroads for HIM, so let him pick the path on his own.  If he chooses a few more years of real estate in order to please his parents, then when he complains, look him in the eye and say "You had a chance to follow your heart toward a career that would make you truly happy.  You still have that chance; it is not too late....but know that it is very hard for me to watch you continue to be unhappy just to please your family. Don't you think it's time you lived your life for yourself?".   This is his initiation into his own life.  I really hope he is able to follow his heart!

This post was last modified: 08-10-2008 08:23 AM by mainegirl.

You did the right thing; he should do what makes him happy; I had that same situation last year; dh was offered a BIG promotion and I would have been able to quit my job but it meant only seeing dh once a week.... we decided to go w/ less money and be together more; IL's however even had a "family dinner" to announce his huge promotion and tried to push him into it.... you guys do what is best for you and dh....
Good Luck! :o)

Hi Biologyresearcher123,
Stick with it, I know it's tough going but it'll be worth it. I'm in a similar position. My guy is in college at the moment. We've been together nearly 8 years but because we've chosen to wait to get married when we're ready. therefore my IL's thinks our relationship is only a casual thing (hoping more like!).
I'm feeling brave today so here goes...the mantra for today is...It's my life, live it and love it! Take back the power, don't leave the inlaws win.
Tell your man to follow his dreams and wish him good luck.
Cath