While attending college, I heard a saying that for some reason stuck with me. It reads as follows,

"God protect me from the innocent, for at least the guilty know what they are doing."

Do the mom's of these boys realize the harm they are doing by not letting them grow up? They are emotionally stunted. There is no reasoning, they will not see your point of view. Maybe they are afraid to - that would mean making a decision or a change.

The clinical name for a mama's boy is a passive-aggressive personality according to psychologists. He's both angry toward, and in fear of, rejection from his mother who didn't teach him to become independent.

What kind of a husband does he make? He's devoted to his mother's needs. If you need help with a household chore and mother does too, mother's chore will get done even if yours doesn't.

You, of course, can do his mother's chore if you're willing. If you, as his wife, are willing to take on the caretaker role, your husband will be delighted to let you do that. He may secretly wish that you will someday take over the role of her caretaker so that he can be free.

If his mother is lonely and calls your home each evening, how can that hurt? She's all alone and you have your husband most of the time. You might begin to feel selfish after you notice you're becoming resentful of her demands. At first you really try to rationalize her needs and his behavior.



What are the mama's boy characteristics? He is everyone's friend and buddy but no one's close intimate friend. He is probably trying to figure out what it means to be a male as he looks for his own identity. He's missing something and looks for that part of himself that can be separate and alone and be comfortable with separateness.

As a wife, you have to wonder if you and the kids are the most important things in his life? But, it's often too difficult to make that journey of questioning your relationship. The marriage might stay together for a lifetime, but the relationship has very little life in it.

The mama's boy wants a girl like his mother. She takes second place in everything and is willing to bear the full responsibility of the relationship. She might sense that she is not worthy enough for love and attention. A mama's boy can sense these cues and take full advantage of them.

Why does a woman fall for a mama's boy? There are many reasons for this, some of which have to do with playing second fiddle because that's been her role in life up to now. Another reason might be that she believes her love will change him. Still another reason is that it gives her a powerful feeling to be the caretaker.

Maybe she's afraid of an egalitarian relationship. Maybe it feels safer to stay in the background and direct things from there.

If you're dating a mama's boy you'd be wise to run the other way.

If you're married to a mama's boy, you won't change him. As long as mama's alive he will remain devoted to her. It's a difficult life and there's resentment and hurt that builds up in your heart. If you are determined to keep the marriage together because of children, find close friends and hobbies that add dimension to your life.

Understand that, although he is your husband, he's a person who needs to develop his own identity. Therapy can help him develop his identity and learn to separate emotionally from his mother, but only if he's willing to go.

Mine was afraid to go. He didn't want to hear the counsellor tell him the relationship with his mom needed to change to better himself, and his family. Counseling however, wouldn't have helped us - unless his mother went to. Yah right.

I had no idea that i was in a boat with my husband and MIL. I was the only one rowing, and with a paddle. He chose to sit in the back of the boat, and enjoy the ride and scenery and the visit with his mom. When the waters got rough, he bailed on me and swam away with his mom and left me sitting there.....


It hurts now... but let me tell you, the thought of a future where I come first, is something I'm looking forward too. It's time that I put myself first.... and find someone that would do the same.

Just food for thought.

I married a mama's boy and it is exactly like that, there is so much resentment due to MIL and her always coming first.

I have never even had a family vacation without MIL there, it is so frustrating and saddening at the same time. With all the horrible things that MIL has done to our family I am at a loss as to why my husband even wants to be around her.

He sits and watches and denies as she does cruel things to his children.....for instance last time she was here she ignored our daughter and was all over the other grandchildren in order to give our 3.5 year old the very clear message that MIL loves every grandchild, but not her. As punnishment as our daughter calls me mom and not her.

I honestly feel like taking all my wedding photo's and superimposing MIL's face over mine....at least they would then be a true representation to who my husband is actually married to.

A lot of this describes my husband too.  Why is he so willing to protect her from any kind of turmoil but willing to throw me into the middle of it?

Mine is slowly growing away from being a mama's boy. It's a slow process, but at least he's willing to work on it.  I agree that the women dont do these men any favors by bringing them up like that. It's selfish and cruel.

Sharlene, you are wise and strong, and I hope that the relationship you so much deserve is right around the corner. I'm not sure when things happened, but have you started seeing other people yet? I had some similarities to you in my recent engagement (which I broke), and am finding myself asking every person I go on a date with about their families first - I'm so anxious about being run up the same creek. Thoughts?

You know, I'm not same person I was when I started dating my husband, or for that matter entering into this family. I can see it now, because I'm almost on the outside of it - but it turned me really really ugly. My heart was black because of her. A person can only tread water for so long, and then finally, either because of exhaustion or just plain giving up - they let themselves drown. I was drowning - and I didn't even know it. There was sooooo much anger, and resentment, and even sometimes confusion as to why my husband, who looked like an adult and someone who could form his own thought patterns, and who could defend himself so easily with me in an argument, could turn into utter sludge when his mom was around. I don't know. I just don't know. I'm not dating anyone now. I don't know when I'll be able too. I've got allot of baggage and guilt, and still very hurt about how my marriage ended. I have to give myself permission to set the baggage down, before I can enter into another relationship and give them the chance they deserve. I'm still bitter. I'm still very angry at my mother-in-law, and for the life of me, I can't see why she can't see that she has been a contributing cause in the failure of his 2 previous relationships/marriage. I know this first hand, as in complete frustration, I phoned my dh's ex and wanted to know if this was the reason that their relationship ended. Of course, when I asked my husband if the "others" liked his mom - I got no answer. So, I took it into my own hands, and phoned one of them. She was lovely, and we spoke for a few moments, and she felt really bad for me, and told me that she would have warned me, but would I have listened? When asked what she thought of my dh's mom - her response was," ugh yah.... she's a real piece of work." And that said it all. It's so sad too. I gave him all the chances in the world, to go to counselling with me, so we could try to work on our marriage. He must have been listening to his mom - because he flatly refused. When he's at home, and I'm packing he'll tell me that he "regrets not going to couselling." Is it because his mom isn't around, and he's able to tell me what he really feels? I don't know. It's too late now. He's pushed me too far away. All I can say, is that the next girl better be stronger than I was. He'll never have the ability to be his own person, to make up his own mind, his own friends, or even choose someone whom he really likes. I thanked him the other day for letting me go. I couldn't live like this forever. I wouldn't want too. I'm 35 years old, there is still soooo much life has to offer, and if I was stuck dreading every holiday, every birthday, every family gathering with her..... my god..... I'd rather crap out thumb tacks. Honestly.....
There were 3 of us in our marriage. And sadly, I turned a blind eye to it. And for that... I will ALWAYS feel guilty and bad about.

I don't think my husband believes it will come to that point.  But there are days...

Sharlene, you put it perfectly.  He can defend himself to the end of time in a fight with me but I have never ever seen him disagree with his mother.

SEEEE!!!!! It's such a terrible pattern, that anyone with half a lick of sense can see... and yet they refuse to do anything about it. If it werent for those really strong women that stay with these momma's boys, they wouldn't have a hope in hell of looking after themselves. I made ALL the decisions around the house, organized getting repairs and such done. I did all the grocery shopping, the suppers ( even though he was home 2 hours before me ) I made his lunches,( and sometimes got up before work to make it for him )...

what a stupid ass I was. I did these things because I thought, when I needed it, he'd look after me. How could he? He couldn't even look after himself.