So FH and I were talking last night about the fact that we aren't speaking to his parents. Hes frustrated about it. Hes not regreting anything, he just cant understand how people who claim to love him can just write him off like that. Like MIL was always saying how "his happiness is important" yet she won't give him anything that makes him happy. Her love is conditional, "I will love as long as you do whatever I want and say" kinda thing.

I asked him what he missed about them and he said nothing really, I asked what he was losing out on (things like support and that) and he said nothing. He mentioned that life has been a lot less stressful since we stopped speaking, I agreed.

6 months to the wedding. I'm enjoying planning our day without all her little comments about choices we make. Also not having to worry that she'll try to take over the wedding day too.

I will never be like this to my sons. When they find a girl I will be happy for them and do whatever I can to make her feel welcome in our family!

good work, its not there day, if they are invited they are just guests. my mil is still sour about how she wasnt involved- the annoying thing is she heard more about the wedding then my own mother did.
wedding planning is stressful enough without shit. i prepared myself that closer to the wedding it would get worse, it was like they ganged up on me- mil trying on white and everyone saying oh that looks nice.
all the things that have happened i am expected to leave it behind me and move on- what a load of shit. fh thinks i can just get over this stuff...i told him weddings are special but arent magic.

Missdish, you and I have similar thoughts!  Just remember: This is your special day between your FH and you.  Now that you know you are both on the same line of thinking, it might be best to let the issue drop a bit, so you don't make him start to feel guilty about it!  I'm trying desperately not to talk too much about my FH's family to him too often, because it has got to be so hard to realize your family is a bunch of arses, you know?  Hang in there!

I agree, we don't talk about it unless he brings it up, and thats not too often. The problems with his parents go beyond issues with us.

His parents are Toxic Parents. FH has many other things that we are trying to work through. He has no self confidence or worth. This is from them always putting him down and telling him that hes stupid. Hes reading books like TParents to try and help him deal and realize that hes not this bad person he thinks he is.

It kills me when he calls himself stupid, or says he can't do something. Like last night he was taking the corn out of the microwave and accidently dropped it. Instead of just being like opps he got really mad at himself and that. I asked him after he calmed down why it was such a big deal - its just corn! I didn't care, I was more worried that he was okay. He said to me "well my parents would have said what an idiot I am"

How sad is that? Or like when he was 16 he took apart some tool to see how it worked (hes a curious guy, and he works in trades) and his dad called him a stupid little prick (FH has this written down in a book). Like its understandable to get upset but don't call your kid that.

I'm really trying to ask him to do things and make decisions solo so that his confidence will build.

thats so sad- what awful people...thats abuse.