I recently ended my engagement to a wonderful man who couldn't stand up to his manipulative mother. She pitted him against his brother and drew me into her games. When she'd lie to me or ask me to do inappropriate things, my ex-fiance would initially state (to me) that her actions/requests were inappropriate, but over time, started asking me to "be a bigger person" and accept them. He stated that he was unable to stand up for me because he felt that this would be "too demanding" of his parents. He asked me to accept being lied to and putting myself in situations where people would yell at me. If I couldn't have my fiance's support through this, I was scared he'd expect the same from any children we'd have, so I ended the engagement. He also asked me to see a therapist to deal with my 'problem' of needing to feel protected by him and to have someone 'slay my dragons for me.' What do you think - was there anything I could have done? I was shocked, crushed, disappointed, and still flip back and forth between angry and devastated - and it has been a few months already. My ex-fiance also got his family into family therapy before I ended the engagement, as he realized there was some weird stuff going on with them, and I thought that would make things better for us, but it made him treat me even worse. Thank you...

I feel that you did the right thing and have made a very brave decision.  When a person feels that a relationship is negative and things will always be uncomfortable, it may be time to get out.  I certainly have my share of problems, but I am not at the stage of thinking there is no hope cos i have a problem with the ILs not so much with my husband.  But yes you have done well and I think it was a near miss, and I hope and pray you will heal but i know you will!  Well done!

You have done absolutely the right thing. If your ex cannot see the difference his family being disrespectful to you and  you needing a protector to 'slay dragons' you are much better off. It wasn't until I started reading passages aloud from several 'Toxic Inlaw' type books stating, 'It is NOT you, you are not being too sensitive did he see the light. And still I have yet to see him fully stand up to his mother on my behalf. Until that moment occurs I will not step foot in her home, nor will she be invited to mine. As heart broken as you are you have given yourself hope to meet someone new who is normal and has a normal family. Because I am from the US and my husband is from Canada I had very limited contact with his family until I moved to Canada. And boy let me tell you, I may have thought twice had I known what I know now!