Oh, good, greif!

Just as I am getting my head around the recent MIL malarkey, she goes and adds fuel to the fire!

I have already bored most of you to death with the carrying on's of my delightful Mother in law. Yes I can hear your snores rom here! Hah hah!

Well, I have an update. One which only reminds me of this womans sheer petty/pathetic behaviour!

I mentioned her sending me a card for my birthday just about a week ago or so, mentioning her wish for us to still be friends! Which is pretty ironic bearing in mind she was a total arse and caused the disruption in any bridge building of late.

Well! She rang my BF and told him she hadn't heard anything from me despite having sent a well wish card! Even though I sent her a text message mere moments after I had opened it and read it!

Thankfully! My BF was quick to point out, that he had actually 'seen' the said message I'd sent on....HAH! Got her!

She then ummed and ahh'd and suddenly, hey presto! Yes! She suddenly rembered of course I had sent her one, she had forgotten!

What a bitch!

Now I know my thoughts on giving her a wide birth were a damn good idea. I think I could have some fun with this one, just toy with her a bit.

Is that naughty of me???!

nope, not at all! Sometimes karma reversal is neccessary. Let's call it an evening-out of the playing field?  You'll have to continue to be sure your bf sees your every "effort".  This will essentially nip in the budd any attempts on her part to make you look like the bad guy.  Your bf will find renewed respect for your "efforts", and your MIL will be singed and charred in her own irritation!

Idea: Send her a post card in a couple of weeks - be sure it has a pleasant, but bland pic on the front and write "Just hoping you're having a nice week.  Things here are going well, if not busy.  Thinking of you, Jane and Joe" (naturally with you and your bf's name on it, but written in your handwriting of course.

Be sure your bf sees it, sees the stamp on it, and sees you putting it into a big post box (maybe while you two are out running arrands you'll see one to drop it in).  This will do one of two things - it will make your bf think you're making efforts, and it will irritate the living daylights out of your MIL.  She'll see how short it is, and she will interpret it to be just a token gesture (which of course, she would be correct).  She'll definately get the hint (because, as I've said in other posts, it is in a language called WomenSpeak that ALL of us women know!), but she won't be able to prove there's anything "off" about it.

She may decide to call or whatever afterwards to thank you for the card (and use it as an excuse to get in touch).  Just avoid the call if you can and let the machine get it.  Then, when you're pretty sure she won't be home, return the call, saying "Just returning your call, have a nice day" as sweetly as you can.  Continue to avoid her calls and only respond occassionally when you're fairly sure she isn't home (or email, or something similar so you don't actually have to speak to her).

It'll work like a charm in annoying the crap out of her!

p.s. if she manages to call when bf is home and he hands you the phone, be very pleasant but to the point...almost sicky sweet.  Your bf, being a male and not fluent in WomenSpeak, will interpret it as EXTRA effort on your part to be nice to his mother - not realizing that you're being annoying purposely to her, and that she will definately pick up on it and it will drive her crazy that she can't prove there's anything wrong with it! She'll get so angry she'll do or say something stupid, and your bf will see her for the angry nutjob she really is.

And that, my friends, is how we do that!  My work here is done for today ;)

This post was last modified: 08-15-2008 03:17 PM by mainegirl.

I have to say mainegirl, this latest display from her has left me feeling somewhat amused!

Initially I thought what the f....... But on reflection I thought, no, this is just perfect.

No doubt she will start ringing again, when she knows I am around, on the off chance I will answer the phone. The only thing is, I am quite a busy person and just might not be around. :)

Hmmm, could all prove to be very interesting! The next few weeks will be rather telling!

Hee hee!

I can't send my mil cards unless I write specifically on them "We love you!!!". We tried to go the route of just 'just a thought' cards for a couple years to be polite and acknowledge her holidays even though we really were through with her- for instance, a simple stated birthday card, simply stated mothers day card. Cards that I would have seen as an attempt to honor the holiday even when there were issues. She would then tell my dh's sisters we hadn't sent her ANYTHING. When confronted she said "if you aren't going to tell your mother you love her, then what you send is 'nothing'".

Its really them. His mom will tell you off, then write "I love you always!". I don't know about you, but if I love someone, I don't speak to them in a snide and hateful manor. If I love someone I say "I am sad that things are going badly in our relationship- what can I do to repair it?" not "You disrespect me and I have done nothing to earn it! You are ungrateful! I love you!".

Sorry your mil is being a bitch. How funny that you happened to have shown your boyfriend the text message!!!

Twinkletoes, how about if you put "Lots of love!"?  I mean, technically that's true since your hubby probably has lots of love for his mother.  If it were me, I'd be really obnoxious about it, by saying "Lots of love and hugs!", but that's only because I like torturing my MIL by killing her with kindness.  She knows my attempts at being "super sweet" like this aren't real, which is really all that matters, isn't it?

I could not say "lots of love" unless I felt it. If you knew me personally, you would see how unlikely it would be to ever hear me say that! I am not even a hugger!!! I am very reserved emotionally. I am sure I can come off rather shy, but really I am just reserved.

I don't know if dh loves his mother or not. If I asked him right now, he would say "I do occasionally like to hear from her". Which doesn't answer the question! LOL Are you familiar with Meyers Brigg personality typing? He is an INTP (I am an INFJ). INTP's are notorious for keeping their feelings hidden. This is from personality page:

"INTPs live rich worlds inside their minds, which are full of imagination and excitement. Consequently, they sometimes find the external world pales in comparison. This may result in a lack of motivation to form and maintain relationships. INTPs are not likely to have a very large circle of significant relationships in their lives. They're much more likely to have a few very close relationships, which they hold in great esteem and with great affection. Since the INTP's primary focus and attention is turned inwards, aimed towards seeking clarity from abstract ideas, they are not naturally tuned into others' emotional feelings and needs. They tend to be difficult to get to know well, and hold back parts of themselves until the other person has proven themselves "worthy" of hearing the INTP's thoughts."

I don't find this to be true of our relationship, but then I am a bit of an odd bird myself. I hate greeting cards, I think flowers are a waste of money, and my ears aren't pierced nor do I wear my wedding rings (or any other piece of jewelry). My idea of expressing love is doing thoughtful things for the person you have feelings for. And loyalty- he is very loyal and his personality type is unlikely to cheat, too. And he does thoughtful things on a regular basis. He is always bringing home something that made him think of me, he calls 3 or 4 times a day (just to "touch base"). For instance, right now he is putting all four kids to bed while I answer this message!

But, his mom would know him more than anyone other than me, I would assume, because she raised him. He is adopted. He definitely is an example of nature being more powerful than nuture and he credits it for why he isn't enmeshed in his families bru ha ha's. What I am getting to is surely she has known for a very long time that he is reserved, doesn't like drama, and avoids it at all costs.

This post was last modified: 08-15-2008 07:29 PM by TwinkleToes.

EXACTLY! This is somewhat twisted! It smacks of emotional blackmail.

My own MIL has this down to a fine art.

Oh I knew what I was doing when I showed him the message, I made it very clear to him that I was about to acknowledge her card as I had a feeling she might play tricks.

I am steps ahead of that woman!

This post made an interesting read!

To focus on your mention of how you show love, I think it's a very personal thing how each individual expressives themselves..

You don't come across as an 'odd bird' at all. You are clearly true to 'yourself', and 'your' feelings. That's very obvious from other postings I have read of yours.

I personally shun Valentines day, it is commercial. I do not choose to follow the herd and buy garish cards and cringe worthy cuddly bears holding hearts! UGH! It means nothing. People buy these things as society tells them it's time to, on that specific day.

Neither do I 'give myself over' to people lightly, if that's the right phrase to use? I guess some might say I am somewhat cynical or hard at times, as I seem to be able to switch off from certain people once I feel I can't trust or respect them.

I tried as I did with my MIL as she is my BF's mother, but that has worn thin now. So what if she is his mother? She is an unpleasant person and that is what dictates how and why and if I have anything to do with her.

I find it exhausting giving my time to people I feel no connection with let alone those who are negative towards me. I give better than I get, yes, but I'd rather not and would choose to put my energies elsewhere.

I have to say that I feel relieved now that I don't give my MIL any of my time now.

She rang yesterday evening, just before 10p.m which is unusualfor her, and I answered the phone, I handed the phone to my BF almost automatically. To me she was just a voice at the end of the phone who is nothing to do with me.

Though of course that's how I felt last night!



I will have to check out the Meyers Brigg test, sounds interesting.

Oh! I don't do "valentines Day" either! It feels so contrived, you know? HOWEVER, ever since I was a little girl my father has sent me a box of chocolates for Valentines Day, and well I do expect THAT. I suppose because it is from a father to his "little girl" and it just seems... sweet (and tastes it, too!). My DH has been told that I would prefer random gifts occasionally to validate his feelings for me, than flowers on Valentines Day.

I hope your boyfriend appreciates your emotional honesty and integrity. You seem so emotionally balanced! I admit that I have had issues my whole life playing the role of door mat. I have a mother with a fierce temper, and have had a fear for always that if I speak my mind, I will come off the way she can- hurting feelings.

MBTI is interesting. I think it has helped me the most in understanding my parents. And my sister, whose personality is very different from my own. But mainly it helped me understand my EX. He is an ISTP. I never understood why he didn't "get" me- or me him. Once he typed, it was like "Oh!". His personality lives for sensual, tangible "in the moment" thrills, and my personality lives for obtaining "ideals" and looking toward the future. He lived entirely in the moment- never thinking ahead, and I lived entirely in the future- never appreciating the daily. We were a very poor match!

This post was last modified: 08-16-2008 07:38 AM by TwinkleToes.

I guess if you and your hubby aren't "feeling the love", then don't put "We love you" on your cards.  In that case, I wouldn't bother to send her cards at all, since she'll only get upset if you send one without putting "We love you" on it.  You COULD write her a note to explain that you aren't demonstrative like that and see how she responds to it?  I dunno. Your MIL jumped ahead of my MIL in line for most demanding. I didn't see that happening soon! LOL!