So I was kind of coerced into leaving my toddler for 10 days.  After a lot of bickering I gave up and said 'fine MIL can watch the baby'.

She's not toxic so I think DS will be fine.  My problem is that I can't decide if I should let him go to her house or have her come here.  I can see pros and cons to each.

For her house pros:
she'll have help - FIL and great grandparents can come up
maybe he'll feel like he's on vacation and not abandoned?

cons:
not babyproofed
smoke outside but it gets all over everything when they come in
far away from anything (I'm a city girl so maybe i"m paranoid but 20 minutes to a hospital???)
sets a precedent that I'm not sure I want to set

For my house pros:
all his stuff is there
babyproofed
my house my rules - no smoking
close to his pediatrician

cons:
ugh, do I really want her in my house for 10 days?  will she resist snooping?
she'll probably want to take him to her house on the two weekends - that's a lot of driving and doesn't it defeat the purpose?  could i say no traveling?
will he feel abandoned (wakes up and we're gone)?

Which would you choose?

Has anyone left their child for this length of time?  what can I expect on my return?

Has he stayed the night with them before?

If he has, then you already know some of what you can expect. If he hasn't, I think I would cut the trip shoirt, or, have a trial run one weekend to see how things go. I would guess the best way to figure this out is your prior experiences with them.

I don't think being in your home will make them respect your rules. :-(  My SIL smoked in my home while I was in the hospital delivering my second babies. She knows I am allergic, and that we were bringing newborns into our home- not to mention the small children who already lived here!!! She tried to hide the evidence... she had a tiny cup she was sticking behind my toilet with ashes in it. She was right- I didn't find it right away (I couldn't stoop down after my surgery). I just kept a raging headache in my bedroom and didn't know why. But, my housekeeper did find it, and we were both appalled and shocked.

He has stayed with them for a weekend before.  Things are usually ok, I just don't know about a whole week!  The thing that bothers me is the smoke.  They do smoke outside and I know if she was in my house she would smoke outside but still...  it sticks on clothes, etc.  There is aof course the annoying stuff - her telling me everything he did that weekend as if I don't see it every day, etc.  I'm really worried this trip will set us back (as far as boundaries go).
  
I know if she was at my house she wouldn't smoke as much mainly because FIL can't come with her and I"ve stressed the bad reactions DS has to smoke.  If she stays at our house we can request that she drive our car, not her smoke filled one.  I'm pretty sure it was her car and not her house that made DS sick the last time.  After that I'm soooo reluctant to have him stay there.  

I can't cut the trip short

i would send your child to their place. 10 days is alot of looking. even just lookin on ur computer.
plus its easier for someone to watch a child in their own house. im sure they can child proof it and maybe ur hubby can ask about smoking alterations while ur child is there.
have u got any back up sitters? cos u could just say if u can go by these rules u can if not i will use _____.

I don't know, I am like you, the smoking thing is bad, bad, bad. Does your mil NEVER smoke in her home? We once bought a car that the owner had smoked in, and everytime we ran the a.c. for a few weeks, smoke smell would flood the car. Eventually it went away, but the first time we ran the heat, the same thing happened. If they NEVER smoke in their home, I think it would be OK for him to be there (maybe ask his pediatrician?). But, if they only change their behaviors when he is there, I think your home might be best.

I am sorry you can't cut rhe trip short- I bet your really stressing, but you know, I think things will be OK.

I would say your house. Ten days is a long time for a child so he needs to be surrounded by his stuff like his bed, toys and his house in general. She'll probably take him to her house anyways, but I would insist on your house most of the time. Oh, yeah! You know there will be some major snooping going on when you are gone in your house. But that's just the sacrafice you have to make so your son feels comfy in your absence. Let us know what you decide.

I am really stressing!  I know she would never smoke in her home cause she keeps everything super clean.  I've never seen her smoke inside and her home doesn't smell like smoke (except right when they come in from smoking).  Her car on the other hand...

I'm so split!  I don't want her in my home but I don't really want him in hers.  I definitely am going to try and write down what I expect and maybe some things I absolutely won't compromise on.  If she can't agree to them, then I'll have my aunts come watch him.  They live in the same city but DH wants MIL to watch DS so she can be happy.  cause, you know, it's all about her.

Right now, even with the possibility of snooping and weirdness knowing she'll be there, I'm leaning toward having her come up....  But 10 days is such a long time and I don't want her driving him around the state visiting people.  Which is what she has planned.

Yikes! If I were in your position I wouldn't know what to do either. What if you split the time? Maybe 5 days with mil and 5 days with your aunts. Make it all about her and tell her that you don't want to boggle her down because it can be too much, so you have found someone else to come watch ds and give her some relief. That way, it's just 5 days vs. 10. Just a thought though. Gosh, you really are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

yeah shouldnt be too hard to mil proof ur house. put a password on a computer and hide anything she would be interested in.
im sure hubby just wants to make his ma happy but if u have back up u may as well set the rules.

Yeah, I, too would vote for MIL proofing your house/computer, having her come to your home.

I also feel that you have every right to request that she not drag your child across the state to "visit". That might make you a nervous wreck on your vacation.....Would you be comfortable telling her that she could invite those friends/family members (whom she'd planned on visiting) to your house?
That way, she wouldn't feel like she was missing out on seeing her friends, but she wouldn't be traveling with your child the entire time.
??? Just a thought.