If she was at our house I would *hope* that she wouldn't take him all around visiting.  That by having her come there she would get the hint that this is take care of baby time, not grandma do whatever time.  

Warning I'm about to vent!!!

One of my biggest issues with her is entitlement.  The minute she walks in the door she's all over DS and god help you if you dare try to play with him.  At DS birthday she followed me around the ENTIRE time.  Finally, I asked DH to have a talk with her, especially about leaving me alone when DS is crying.  To me, crying baby = mommy's problem.  Having tons of people around trying to help agitates him even more.  DH said he did.  Yet, this past weekend when DS got a little bit hurt she just kept going "want to come to grandma?"  Um, no, he's hurt!!! Let him calm down.  Ugh, sorry it just gets so agrivating because (and yes i know some of it is probably my fault) it turns into a tug of war.  Why can't she just enjoy him as a grandson when he's happy and playful?  It's like she's obsessed with him when he's upset.  I had to also address the issue of her disappearing into rooms with him.  Creepy.

Anyway, I dread this vacation because I'm worried the entitlement will deepen.  Petty of me?  Maybe?  I don't know.  It's not that I don't want her to care for her grandson, I just don't like the all encompassing take over grandma knows best and ONLY grandma attitude.  I'm worried this will feed into it.

So I'm trying to take that into consideration in my decision.  But i know I shouldn't, I should be most worried about DS's well being, which of course, I am - but yes, the above rant is part of it.

I would LOVE splitting up the days but DH will not hear of it.  Part of the reason I think it's a good idea is that 10 days with a toddler is a loooong time.  Especially when you aren't used to it.  

Hey- can you turn the guilt on with your dh, too? Why not tell him your aunts called, and were totally hurt and devestated that HIS family gets the baby for ten days, and them not even 1. Tell him that they "cornered you" into agreeing they could take him for a few days.

I know this isn't altogether honest, but it sounds like your husband is easily manipulated by his mothers guilt, and it really IS unfair to your family and to you that your son would be spending TEN days with someone you do no entirely trust.

I am grasping with straws. I sooooo feel for you. Heck, at this point I would tell him if he didn't agree to split the time, you wanted to just take DS with you.

I would totally feel for u about the crying thing. thats when ppl should run away from kids. it could also be rough when u want to show him tough love- a bit of get over doesnt go astray- but then she jumps in a does poor baby.
my mil does this- it really undermines parents. and if ur telling her to stop and shes not shes looney.
i agree with twinkle toes about sharing him around. but give him to ur aunt first and mil 2nd. then if hes attached to ur aunt he will cry for the pass over- not the other way around hehe.

I sooo would, except he knows that my aunts would never pull this.  I've suggested splitting and he just gets mad. I may have to drop it for a while.   The plane flight is a long one and I don't think it would be fair to bring DS along :(  Though I want to!  I LOVE the idea of having my aunt go first then him crying on the pass off, god, satisfaction.  She gets all excited when he reaches out for her even saying, "ohhh he wants ME".  God lady, he wants everyone.  He's a little ham.  Then she takes him and practically knocks me over in this big strut.  Most of the time I roll my eyes and move on.  However, I've heard that coming back from trips parents are usually surprised to find the child doesn't want the babysitter to leave and is mad at the parents for leaving.  She will just eat that up.


What do you think about having her come up here and have a list of his schedule, ask her not to smoke while she's here (or if she does, go outside and make sure hands are clean) and no going out of town with him? I know she wants to bring him down to see FIL but the whole point of not going out of town is to lessen driving time so that would defeat the purpose.  Am I being unreasonable if I request that FIL come here?  I mean, it's not my fault he can't or won't get off work?

I still feel weird about her being in my house but at this point I think it's the best option. I just worry that if he goes to their house she'll be more comfortable breaking the "rules" (ie: smoking, going out of town, getting him off schedule, etc.)  I'm hoping he'll be in daycare at this point too but he's still pretty far down the wait list.  

OK, so ideas for MIL proofing the house?  password on computer, lock up prescription meds, what else?

Even the best of grandmas pump them full of candy and ignore bedtime routines. I think its a nice idea to have a print out of his schedule to help them along while you are gone, but I doubt they will honor any of your wishes beyond meeting the basic guidelines you put down. Ugh. My own mother would probably trim my kids hair to a cut she liked better, and change their bedtime schedules to what SHE thought was suitable. Not to mention she would start putting syrup on their pancakes because she would think its mean that I don't let them have it. But, no matter what, kids are resiliant and will be fine. Your son will be fine.

I am sorry that your husband won't compromise with you.

u need to hide any sort of budgetting and anything to do with finance. look into pictures around the house too. if shes got lotsa time to look she could analyse if there are enough pics of her fam in the house.
u should also ask friends and family to come visit during the time.
i agree with twinkle toes- ur son will be fine, and as evil she is, im sure she will protect him- she can not replace u.

Hey, so I'm back!

In the end, he went to their house.  I just didn't feel like arguing my point and DH really wanted it this way so I sucked it up for him.  Aren't I nice?  

Leaving was hard but once I got there I relaxed.  We called every other day and my boy really did seem to be having a good time.

Once home my main worry was that he would somehow forget us or something.  Of course that wasn't the case.  He was all hugs!  Ha, at one point MIL tried to convince him to reach out for her but he didn't want to let go.  I have to admit I selfishly giggled a little bit and just kissed him up.

So all in all, I probably worried more than I need to.  Oh, another good thing that came out of it was that MIL realized that he does have a temper.  Before this she would just insinuate that we couldn't keep him happy or that we couldn't calm him down.  But a king-sized tantrum in Wal-Mart made her realize that's just who he is!  I hope the looks stop now.  Anyway, thanks for all the advice and support.

I am glad that you had a relaxing vacation and that all went well with MIL watching your son!

I am glad everything turned out ok :-)

Welcome back! It sounds like it went perfectly, and you kept MIL out of your stuff  - everybody wins!