Take the money, then give it to your favorite charity. That way you are turning something negative into something positive. I know what you mean about the manipulation through money though. DH's family has done this to us plenty of times. "We aren't paying for the wedding if you marry her." Fine, don't give us money, we will pay for it ourselves.

If you step back from the situation and really look at who you are dealing with you will see them for the idiots they are. Pity them.

I definately DO pity them, but I think I pity my kids the most. My kids have really gotten the shaft as far as having a large family around them that loves them.  They really have noone except my friends, who treat my kids like family (bless their hearts).  I decided that when/if the SIL ever gets married, I'm giving her exactly $250 in Australian dollars (which is exactly what she gave us).  I think she'll get the message.  She already will get the message when she doesn't get a thank you note from me. I told hubby to send one to her. If he forgets, well, that's not my problem!