As you know, my Aussie and I just got married on Saturday (yay! It was so beautiful, too, and just the way we wanted it - simple but nice).  So, we get home afterwards and the in-laws come, too (so much for time alone on our wedding day). They then drag out envelopes from family in Australia. Presumably, they couldn't just slip them into the card basket at the wedding, they needed to make a special point of giving them to us PERSONALLY because each one had money in it, and they wanted to be sure to make a bit thing of it.  Admittedly, the in-laws gave us a rather large check for our savings account, and I am certainly grateful for it. I understand why they would want to present their OWN card to us personally, but the others?

So, they give us the card from my very estranged SIL (as you all know, she and I had a falling out).  So hubby opens the card and sees Aussie dollars inside and counts it, saying "Wow, $200, that was far too generous" and my MIL from across the room says "No, it's $250!".  Which, of course, means only one thing:  SIL bragged to her mom about the amount in order to impress them.  It wasn't about giving the money out of the kindness of her heart, but rather to show off her big income (she's now a doctor, although how I honestly do not know. Actually, I DO know. Australia has a huge shortage of doctors, so they take basically any monkey who applies).

After my in-laws went back to their apartment, I told hubby I didn't want her money. He got a bit huffy, saying it would be rude to give it back to her, so I told him "Fine, then YOU can put it in YOUR checking account. I don't want it.".  I explained to him my thoughts, pointing out his mother knew the exact amount beforehand, so clearly his sister bragged to her mother about the amount.

I mean, come on. When I give someone a financial gift, I don't tell other people the amount ahead of time. I give it because I know the person needs it, and I let it be between me and that person. Telling anyone else would basically just be to impress them.  I do not give money to someone to impress others, I give it unselfishly and quietly.

What do you ladies think? Am I justified in feeling this way?  Trust me when I say the girl is a selfish biotch the rest of the time, and that everything she ever does is to impress her mommy.

I'd take it and buy something absolutely outrageous with it. :) Its weird that your MIL would actually comment how much was in the envelope? Was it sealed? Or did she perhaps open it?

This post was last modified: 05-07-2008 12:28 AM by Katalyst.

even tho they had evil plans...the appreciation they got is not 250 dollars worth.
none of my ils gave us anything on the day. even my parents gave us suitcases. they gave us empty cards and told people they paid for things that we paid for.
great to hear the wedding went well tho. so much stress off your shoulders. and hope u can find a good cause for the money- even if u have to make it ur donation money for the next couple years.

I gave the money to hubby and told him to keep it for himself. I don't want any part of it!  

Katalyst, the envelope was SEALED, so SIL had to have told her how much is in it.

I know it's rude, but I'm not sending a thank-you card. Hubby said he'd email his sister, so I am just going to leave it to him.  I fully expect him to forget to do it, so then the pressure is off me.

I just want the girl out of my life. I realize she is hubby's sister, but she hasn't had anything to do with him AT ALL.  So, sending money is just her way to show off. She aint winning any browning points with me. I'd rather starve than accept anything from her anyway. Trust me, she didn't do it to be "helpful", it was merely to make herself look good to her mommy.

This post was last modified: 05-13-2008 09:41 PM by mainegirl.

i was the same way with my sil from hell,, during and for years after our "falling out", i refused gifts to our family..she would never come by or visit or nothing- just made her flashy show @ christmas by spoiling my daighter,,( almost all those toys made their way to charity )..after awhile it was like i was pushing away everything she gave cause what i really wanted was an apology..it still hasnt happend to this day..but over the years i have been gracefully taking the gifts and keeping them..and guess what..the gifts stopped coming! (yep she makes more money now than in the past) my daughters have yet to get birthday presents this year!

I haven't told anyone but hubby that I don't keep any of the gifts she has sent, but I'm assuming that eventually when she stops getting thank-you's from me she'll stop sending. I told her once that I did not want gifts from her, so if she keeps sending them, I guess that's her problem. She is only doing it to impress her mommy, so I suppose whatever helps her sleep at night...

what sux about this arrangement is that really no matter what you do about the gifts - shes coming out smelling like a rose... your MIL, your husband (men are especially blind to manipulation)

these mind games chicks play often fly under the radar..when more often the one who feels they have been wronged wants things brought to light,no covered up by flashy shows of money..m i right?

Well, exactly. It's not her money I would want, it is for her to face up to what she did to ruin our friendship and what she did to manipulate the relationship I have had (or rather NOT had) with her mother.  I could care less about gifts, and she knows that....and I've made it clear to her what I'm looking for, and she refuses to do it!

You're right: my hubby is completely blind to her manipulation in this area. He thinks she's a biotch, but he still refuses to see the full extent of it. I really don't care so long as the girl stays out of our lives.

is sil married? u could just keep it to give back to her at her wedding?

i can see where ur coming from by not wanting to take it but also agreewith corkiespain.

That's a great idea, Poorramie! I'll just give her exactly the same amount back if and when she ever marries. She's 25 and never had a boyfriend. The interesting thing is, it is not as though she's bad looking or anything, so it has to be her biotchy personality that keeps the men away. Also, she has extremely high "standards", because she knows no man will ever be good enough for Mommy to approve.  So, I suspect it will be several years before she even comes close to finding a guy who will a) fit her standards as well as b) put up with her.