This is the answer I get any time I try to bring something up.  I guess I'm just supposed to sit back and ignore it?  keep the peace?

He's so willing to believe anything I do is wrong but completely unwilling to believe that his mother would turn away when I reach for my son.  No no she would never!  

I try to tell him that all feelings are valid and by pretending they don't exist it makes it worse.  But he would rather have me unhappy then say anything, set any boundaries.  So I try to do it myself but of course they just think I'm a bitch.  Anyone had any lucky getting through?  All I want is ONE time to be backed up.

I'm still sore that he was on the phone with them during labor.  It cracked me up *sarcasm* when I heard him tell a friend that the hardest thing was watching me in pain.  I guess by 'watching me in pain' he meant, asking to go down to the lobby to make sure mommy had something to eat.

I think he secretly is afraid of them, so you are unlikely to get him to "back you up".  The best you can hope for (at least for the short term) is for him to be a good hubby and father in all other areas.  If they are as evil as you say (and they probably are), there will come a day when their attempts to hurt you will be obvious to him.  He'll likely see it eventually.  In the meantime, just stay as far from them as you can. Seriously. Find other friends and family to occupy your time.  Remember: His parents are unlikely to give him the respect of the title of "father" just yet. They still see him as their little boy. It will not be until years have passed that they acknowledge he has grown a bit and is now a father.

Just let it be for now, and try not to complain too much (for now).  Be patient, the time will present itself.

Yeah, I'm trying to work on being less 'critical' when I talk about them.  I'm still stinging from the whole birth thing but I've got to let it go.   It's like he's afraid they'll be so upset or stop loving him if he says, 'i'm sorry i can't do that this weekend.'

I on the other hand have no problem setting boundaries with my parents and he says, 'i never have issues with your family.'  Well, duh!  I make sure that they respect our space and our parenting.  I had a talk with my mother about what a good grandma she was and what i appreciated but I also mentioned she needed to stop telling hubby how to feed the baby.  It wasn't hard and she wasn't mad about it and he never heard about feeding again!

ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Second place. That's all you will ever be. I'm not in my marriage anymore, and I'm STILL trying to come to terms with it. I asked my husband once, "what are you going to do when your mom dies?" You can't hang onto her forever? I called him sad, and pathetic and he looked at me like he was looking for clothes in his closet. I got nothing. No response, no anger, no nothing.

I couldn't get through to him. I went to counseling, and the counsellor asked me how do you expect him to stick up for you, when he obviously can't or won't stick up for himself? She told me to stick up for myself, and put her in her place when she needs it. I was told, that strong domineering people will have a greater respect and think twice about the battle they pick with you, if you've corrected them about the way you'd like to be treated.

In theory, this would have worked. My husband even told me to put her in her place. Here's the ironic part of this story. He filed for divorce because "I never really accepted her".... o.k. so if, 6 years ago, I had the courage to blast his mom, and tell her not to speak or treat me like that.... would I have had the backing from my husband then? No. Would there have been ALLOT of tension by me standing up for myself and the rest of his pathetic family looking dumbfounded at me? Yes. Would I probably have gotten the boot then for being a trouble maker? Yes. I was in a no win situation. Either you choose to sit on that mother-in-law ride that makes you sick, or you stand up, and get off. I guess we have the choice. I, THANK GOODNESS, we never had children. He was the child I cared for. So, my exiting is far less complicated than some other's situations.

I wish you luck. I guess we control how we are treated. We control the situations we put ourselves in. We decide what is tolerable, and what we are willing to sacrifice for the person we love. Ask yourself this?... what, if anything, does he sacrifice for you? Is there anything that he does for you that he wouldn't particularly do for himself? Surprise out of the blue, just because you are there gifts? Supper when you are too beat to cook? A card, just because. Going somewhere where he's not to terribly comfortable because you'd like him there? I not once, got anything that remotely let me know, that my dh thought even once about me. Anything to let me know I was his number one. Not once. Maybe a few times when we were dating to hook me.... I put in everything in our relationship, and got nothing back. He sat around, was catered too, fed, enjoyed the attention as long as his mom was happy....

Forget about your MIL and focus on you and your husband. You have a serious problem here. Talk to him, seek counciling to save your marriage

Thanks for the responses.  The thing that sucks is everything else is fine.  It's just this one thing but this one thing is getting bigger and bigger.  We moved back close to them.  We had a kid.  So everything suddenly changed.  They would never come to see us out of state so I really didn't see this coming.  I mean, when we lived far away I knew he couldnt' say no but there weren't a lot of requests to say no to.  

I told him that just once I would like him to think of us, hell to think of himself.  There's so many times he whines for DAYS about having to do something and I'm like, 'well, tell them no.  it's ok the world won't fall apart.'  But he insists it's a respect thing.  That's childish I think.  To keep the parent/child relationship the same as it was when you were 10?  Come on.

I also try to explain how I feel like a second class citizen but he says that it's not true.  The really frustrating thing is that he promises to try or change but I'm beginning to realize that's just a line to get me to the next event.  Sharlene - my husband too said, 'well just tell her when she's crossing a line.'  Um, ok, yeah in theory.  But when he turns around and just shrugs or agrees with her then she's not going to care!

His parents aren't bad people and I think if we could establish ourselves as a seperate entitly or if he could show them that he's an adult, we would all actually enjoy ourselves.  As it is, everything is so tense.  I run around fruitlessly trying to maintain my sanity.  Plus, because they are so filled with entitlement, I hate them being around my son.  Which is sad because I want him to enjoy them.

I hate MILs who feel like they "own" their child's time, attention and loyalty forEVER. My FMIL is same way which is why we are having issues now.... (I am taking away "her" time - she is "losing him"..)

Anyway, I agree with another post. Try to work on your Husband.. You need hiim to see your point of view and understand your "side". My FH just went to see a therapist who backed up that HE needs to start setting boundaries, and that HE needs to be the one to say "no"... That I have to stay out of it (for now) and let him fight the battle b/c they will only see me as a mega-bitch who is taking him away and controlling him. She also says that it will take a long time b/c they all (MIL and 2 SIL) are used to this pattern of behavior and they are USED to my FH doing any/every-thing they want/ask/demand... so, of course they are going to be pissed that he is spending time with me and that he is not saying "yes" to their every wish....

In a nutshell, your Husband is going to have to "get" what you are saying. Have you considered seeing a therapist about it?
Hang in there.

I've brought up counseling before but he just laughs. I don't think he realizes how serious I am.  Since this is the only issue in the marriage and it only comes up every once in awhile he takes the 'wait it out' approach.

My DH did the EXACT same thing. "Wait it out". Wait it out my ass. Look where it got me? Because they dont have confrontational skills, that's what they do. He wasn't taught how to think for himself. How to politely disagree. How to say no, and let his mom know he still loves her. I found we couldn't have a grown up, discussion regarding his mom. It was best to not even discuss it, don't make a big deal of it and it will go away. Here's the reality. It's like a pot of boiling water. It WILL boil over. And with no support, and no backing you will look like the trouble maker. I did. When I put my foot down, and calmly tried to discuss the nonsense in her behavior, she, like my DH denied everything, and while I stood on the phone trying to rationalize her childish behavior my DH stood by, shocked, and kind of laughing, and not once offered to take the phone from me, or even AFTER i put the phone down on the counter, he picked it up and talked to her as if nothing happened. How's that for support? If not addressed, it WILL BE a real wedge in a relationship. I'm living proof. He's divorcing me because his mom told him too!!!!!!!! How sad is that. You are giving support and love, to someone who will NOT support you. My MIL treated me like crap since the day we started dating. And I too, just ignored her. But the truth is, we may take it awhile, and wonder why they have to be so ignorant, but that will only last so long. It's not hard to tell who likes you and who doesn't. Bad MIL's don't care. Do you honestly think that they care about having a relationship with the person that "took" their baby away? No. The issue doesn't lie solely with the MIL, it's with the husband, and if he's not willing to address it, and just keep sweeping under the rug, pretty soon, there won't be anywhere to put that anger... and things will get ugly. Pretending it doesn't exist will not resolve the problem. It's a let down, that the one person we married for support and comfort and security, will leave you standing there with your pants down in front of everyone when it comes to his mom. He wouldn't let anyone else treat you poorly or insult you.... I still don't understand it. I NEVER will understand it.

I think you nailed it.  He just doesn't know how to set boundaries, say no, etc. while also letting his mother know that he still loves her.  It's like he's afraid she'll stop loving him or she'll (god forbid) get mad.  When I talk about it calmly he still gets upset and turns it back on me.

What really bothers me is his assertion that I'm just imagining things or that I'm making it all up.  Really?  Um, ok well I guess your dad leaving the room to make a phone call after i told him to stop inviting people to MY house was in my mind?  What do you think he was saying that he had to leave the room?  Please.

Haha, ok sorry vent there.  But I honestly don't know what else I can do to make him realize that this hurts and eventually will be too much.