I just found out MIL planned a family cookout for MY HOUSE on Monday.... Nice; when was I going to be told?
its like 15-20 people that were invited over to my house!
My stomach is churning; what type of a freak does this kind of crap?!?!?!
So there goes my weekend; I know there is no stopping it.... what a bunch of crap.... so now instead of relaxing all weekend I get to clean my house and then I get to clean it again after everyone leave!
This is BS!!!
I wish we lived in another state; then this stupid crap wouldn't be so easy to happen.
They seem to think they will be able to go swimming; year right; the pool is still like 60 degrees and I don't want a bunch of kids rough housing in my pool; they rip the liner; I will make their parents pay for a new one and pay for water to refill it and pay for the chemicals to put back in there....
I don't exactly have the money to be cooking for all these people.... people I don't even like!

OK Ladybug, here's what you do (since it's probably too late to call everyone and let them know that when you want to hold a reunion at your own house, you'll be doing the inviting on your own)....

1. Keep the pool covered, and even go so far as to remove the ladder (if there is a removable one). Block off the pool entirely and put a sign up saying "pool CLOSED".  If anyone grumbles about it, remind them gently that *YOU* were not the one to plan this party, and had anyone asked you about it first, you would have happily told them that the pool is not ready to be used yet this year.

2.  Have hubby deal with it.  If he doesn't want to call his mother to object (and then call everyone to call it off), then in essence he is saying he is happy to have the party. That means he's also happy to help clean...and so if it is not as clean as everyone might like it, don't let it bother you. You can happily let them know that since your hubby was clearly part of the organizing, they can complain to him about any gaps in the cleaning.

3.  Once you find out that there may be no way to cancel, call everyone and tell them it is a potluck situation. Make a list and have each person contribute something from the list (chips, soda, beer, potatoe salad, dessert, hot dog and hamburger rolls).  Tell them you'll provide hamburger and hot dogs and THAT'S IT.  Then, go buy hamburger in bulk and hotdogs in the huge bulk packages and call yourself lucky.  Maybe make up a pitcher or two of (cheap store brand) powdered iced tea and then relax and try not to worry too much about it!

After the party, tell your MIL you want to talk to her (have lunch some day next week or something). Then say "The party was a nice idea, but it is hard when it is planned for me at my own house and then it falls upon my shoulders to pull it all together. Can you please just ask me first next time so I can make sure it is a good weekend?"  Say it very nicely, and then let her know it was so nice that everyone was able to chip in for the party.  That will let her know (without saying it) that you have no intentions of shouldering all the financial burden from now on, either!

Well the problem with the food situation is.... I don't know if I posted this when it happened or not but the week after Easter GMIL had a dinner for everyone and put an ingredient in all the food that I am allergic too and claimed she didn't... "I didn't put it in any of the food just because of you" then low and behold an hour or so later.... I found out the hard way it was in the food; I was sick for days trying to bounce back and all people could say was "well sorry" Dh actually took up for me but that doesn't help that I had already consumed the food.
so I can't actually eat any food that other people bring now b/c I don't trust it. I told a friend I would end up stopping by BK and getting my own "cook out food"....gee that will be fun.

the pool is too cold; I hope it will stay that way; the ladder is out from being winterized; its covered and there is a locked gate at the bottom of the steps... i am going to fight to keep it that way. Thats all I need is the liability on my hands when one of dh idiot cousins hurts themselves.

I already gave dh a "to do" list; i wrote one up already and it needs to all be done before people can come over....

i swear what a bunch of crap to have to deal with...

Ladybug, the food problem isn't a problem! It's YOUR house!! So, simply eat your own food! You don't have to eat what everyone else brings!  But, at the same time, you definately should make it potluck so that everyone can contribute - that will lesson your financial burden. Also, make it BYOB! Let people know you are not about to let someone (ie. your MIL) dump the whole thing onto your lap!  Besides, it's always fun to bring a dish (at least I always think so)...and as far as alcohol goes, it's expensive, so let them bring their own! Just be sure to TELL them it is a "Potluck and BYOB" bbq so they know ahead of time.

I agree that it is a bunch of crap, though! But you can make it at least tolerable (and possibly even enjoyable, despite the fact you have to deal with your pushy MIL).

That is a good idea.... I still wish I didn't have to deal with it.... maybe if i push her in front of a bus........ okay that was bad.
It just seems like if i give in she will keep on and keep on and keep on....
maybe if i act like a total be-atch and announce that i didn't invite any of them that MIL decided to throw a party at my house b/c she is a FREAK! :o)

I just know she is going to try to take everyone on a tour of my house.... again and take people into my bedroom and closets and everywhere else guests don't belong. I called dh and snapped at him and said that WOULDN'T HAPPEN....I said this isn't her house its ours and she is not going to take people on tours of my house this time!

my stomach is very upset.... maybe i should plan a random cookout for my whole family and let dh see what I go through....

Put a padlock on the outside of your door! They cost less than $5, and then let ppl know it is not on the tour. Don't be a biotch, because then YOU become the bad guy and not her.  Just find something else to do on the other side of the house whenever you can!

When you call everyone to let them know it's potluck, you can sweetly say "I hadn't been planning to do a party like this, but since MIL has put this in my lap, I'm calling to let everyone know that it is a potluck lunch and that it is BYOB. So, what item can I put you down for bringing? We still need (for example) paper plates, chips or a dessert."  Then, after they tell you the item, confirm it again "Ok, so for this weekend's lunch, you're bringing the paper plates. Oh, did I mention it's BYOB? I just want to be sure everyone knows that we will not be providing the alcohol".  Say it again and again if you have to!  THEN, call again the night before to confirm if it is someone you are not sure you can rely on to bring what they say.

Especially with paper products, you don't want people to go without paper plates (buy them yourself if you must just to be safe, and keep them hidden. Then if the person shows up without the plates, say "The grocery store is only 2 miles away. We'll wait on lunch for you!".  If they refuse, then reluctantly say "Hrmm...well, I might have some in my cabinet, let me go check..."   But, give them the chance to do it themselves! These relatives need to get used to the idea that you are no longer going to completely cater events held at your house, especially ones YOU yourself did not plan in the first place!

Have you talked to her about it?
Call her and be like "I heard you are having a party at our house this weekend, sorry but this wasn't ran by us and we aren't interested. We won't be home so don't bother showing up"

If you have the party your just letting her walk all over you!! By letting her have the party you just reward the behaviour

Sometimes you have to be the b-itch, but it will get you want you want in the end

Well the party happened; I ended up drinking before they showed up.... it helped some.
But surprisingly SIL showed up w/ a friend I had never met and the 2 of them stood up for me! (yeah) I found like 6 people chit-chatting in my bedroom hanging out and going through my bathroom when I wondered upstairs and couldn't believe it, and MIL told everyone that I was anal and would yell at people who wore shoes in the house and dh Aunt was like "well I have friends who don't want shoes in their house either so why would we wear them in there" so she stuck up for me too (woohoo) SIL and her friend were saying how disrespectful the family was of not only my and dh marriage but also our house and us as adults. they were saying it needed to stop and MIL needed to stop inviting people over here to "show off the house" and she needed to stay out of our private areas (ie closets, bedroom, laundry room) they said they didn't realize how much harder she was on me than SIL and it needed to stop. I was really glad they came to my rescue :o) They even told dh what they thought about the situation and said MIL needed to learn to respect all 3 of us from now on.
Haven't heard from MIL since the party :o)
It was great to see people realize it wasn't me; it really was her.... Now everyone sees it. Dh even agreed and said he hoped that since she had shown everyone she could think of our bedroom; maybe she would stop....
I hope so; but if not.... I am gaining people to back me up :o)

I'm glad the SIL stood up for you! I agree with MissDish for the next "occassion".  Just say NO!  Love it, MissDish!

Well I think it was an "eye opener" for dh when SIL and her friend both stood up for me out of the blue so we'll see :)