Tortured Daughters-In-Law

Hmmm, this isn't the first time she has brought up the subject of my not wanting anymore children, but she has dusted this one off and intends to use it as a weapon!

I already made it very clear when I first met my BF that I didn't want to have anymore children. This is partly due to my having nearly lost my daughter due to an awful labour which lasted for three days and ended with my having an Emergency Caesarean.

My daughter was Breech. The midwives on duty were less than competent in their role and didn't scan me at the start, which would have meant the whole mess could have been avoided.

I was in agony as they didn't give me any pain relief, they decided not to as I 'wasn't' in labour and as I am asthmatic this limits what I can have.

My daughter would have died if I had got to the operating table even a couple of minutes later than I did as the cord was wrapped around little-un's neck, she would have been strangled. It was a miracle that her heart didn't pack in!

Now my MIL is totally and utterly aware of this, but in the early days, after first meeting her, she went on and on about why I should have another, when the best time was, etc...

I made it VERY clear to her that this wouldn't happen. My BF is my daughters father as far as I am concerned, as is he and more importantly, so does my daughter. We are happy and content. having the one child means financially we are in a better place, and have more choices.

MIL has brought up the subject of children, again, and has started mentioning the children and new babies of relatives ( on my Bfs side )at every given opportunity.

MY BF, like most men I think(?) isn't in the slightest bit interested in other people's children. Yet she goes on and on, I see his eyes glaze over when he's on the phone to her, once he ends the call and I ask him what was she going on and on and on about....BABIES!

She's even sent him pictures via e-mail. She's never done this before.

She's mentioned that her other son has talked about having a third child with his wife, despite their having supposed financial problems! Oh but isn't it a great idea!??!

I didn't know this until recently, but she even suggested we adopted if I was to frightened to have another myself.

I will be keeping an eye out!

It took me a very long time to have children- I wanted to wait, went through a divorce, etc, so I had to endure this sort of scrutiny by everyone- even people in checkout lanes at the grocery store. Everyone wanted to know WHEN I was going to have children, and then remark about my replies.

My only suggestion is every time she sends you a picture of someones baby, in turn send her a picture of your and bf's "baby" (your daughter, your pets, whatever). Totally treat it just as if she likes sharing pictures. I say this because you can not and will not "win" the "you should have a new baby" conversations. When she starts in on them, your best bet is to just change the conversation. EVERYTIME. Even if it means interrupting her, just change the subject.

Of course there are tons of good snappy replies for these remarks, but all of them are rather snotty. Like "Our sex life happens to be private", "When we need the tax break, you'll be the first we tell", etc.

I have actually in the past made the odd comment about her having enough savings to help us support another child if we were to have one, she just screwed up her mouth like a cats bum!

The odd thing is, she is really VERY fond of my daughter. She took delight in spending time with her, and bought her little gifts and things.

I used to send her snaps via e-mails of my daughter's school portraits/photos. This would prompt her to say, she is so beautiful imagine if........

And then she's off!

If you wanted to stop the conversations, you could always tell her you went in and had your tubes tied. *gasp* If she then brought up adoption, you could say "If I wanted to have a child, I wouldn't of had my tubes tied!".

I hate to say this, because I certainly don't want to contribute to your stress, but one bad pregnancy is not indicative of future pregnancy outcomes. For instance, you would be guaranteed a subsequent c-section- this time scheduled. There wouldn't be any "labor" unless you went in before your date, and scheduled c-sections are usually done around 38 weeks. My first pregnancy with twins was bad, bad, bad. I was on blood thinner injections every single day, I was on bedrest, we had all sorts of complications including premature labor, my son had premature atrial contractions, they suspected he had club foot (he did not), etc. I was seen every single week by a high risk physician and they were constantly obsessing and scaring me because I gain very little weight when pregnant.  

My second twin pregnancy occurred at 4 months post partum and my doctors just *knew* I would have uterine rupture, premature labor, etc. I had none of it. I had the easiest pregnancy ever, and delivered healthy twins who roomed in with me and required no hospital stays!  If it were me, I would just not use your previous experience as reason to not have another child because I am proof that each pregnancy is unique. I would just stick with "We don't want more children. If we ever change our mind, we will tell you." Oh, and you could always quote Jane Austen: "There is a stubbornness about me... My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me". (I am paraphrasing from "Pride and Prejudice". Basically, the more she pushes, the more you will pull away. Tell her so!

Well that or I could say, very straight faced, that I can only experience the one immaculate conception

How stressful for you!

I was actually told not to have anymore children until after a minimum of a two year wait, and was also told I'd have to have a caesarean, that was 9 years ago. I do actually have fibroids and a Cyst on one of my Ovaries, so this worries me slightly.

I quite like the idea of being blunt and telling her to 'bugger off' and have a baby if she's that keen for new baby flesh.

She herself was desperate for a third child, she really wanted a daughter. She told me once whe she was very tipsy. But her hubby had the snip and they nearly broke up as a result of this!

I was also banned from all pregnancy for a full two years with the second set of twins. My first ob said I was "out of commission" and wanted to do a tubal. I switched practices when our insurance changed and the second OB said as long as I gave my uterus 2 years to heal and was willing to deal with the increased risk of having three c-sections, I could try... Of course we have four kids and are happy...

I am at a higher risk than normal of uterine rupture. Nasty stuff! My uterus has been very st---ret---tched. :-) I can certainly understand your fears!

'IF' I do change my mind and go for a second child, I know that my body has had nine years to recover. OK the fibroids and Cyst are a blasted nuisance, would be better not to have them, obviously.

My daughter was only 6Lbs and 11oz at birth ( I was 6lbs 2oz myself ) on my side babies were always smaller, but my MIL gave birth to babies at 9Lbs/10Lbs, can you imagine that!

I do worry about having a big baby, as that could push against the cyst and cause premature birth, another worry!

Not sure if my BFs genetics will overide mine size wise?

Curious- why can't the cyst be aspirated or go on birth control to get rid of it? I get cysts occasionally (OK, pardon the medical jargon, but technically ALL eggs are a "cyst", but most are shed with your period), but so far birth control has gotten rid of mine.

The fibroids will grow while you are pregnant. Ick. But, they will shrink back down post partum.

Some cysts don't go away w/ birth control.... I actually developed them while i was ON BC so they just let me suffer for like 4 months until they went away....thos things are a pain.
I get the baby question all the time too; I usually get defensive about it b/c one of my kidneys stopped working so I'm afraid of stress that the one that IS working will go through; I don't want to end up on dialisys forever just to make HER happy. I think I posted it before but MIL actually took her friends into my guest room and said "and this is their NURSERY".......
Huh? Who's nursery? Where? I don't see one? When did I have a kid?

I am currently being prodded and poked (well not literally!) as they have become a blasted nuisance. I get the most painful cramps that have had me near to passing out.

Hopefully over the next couple of months I will be closer to being rid of the things.

I did consider the contraception that is placed into the top of your arm, the name of the one I looked into escapes me right now, but as I heard of so many horror stories i.e serious weight gain, depression, long periods lasting several months, I have had a serious re-think.

My GP pushed me for it, but then she gets paid a decent sum for all of the implants/procedures she carries out.

I don't want to go from one problem straight into another.