All four of my children's birthdays have now passed this month and true to her word, my mil didn't "interfere". Not with cards, emails, gifts, or phone calls. We also did not hear from any of my husbands sisters. Yes, we had the one sister over here earlier in the month, but, we kind of thought she would email or something when the little twins birthday approached. The other two sisters also didn't "interfere".
I am really sick of people saying "your kids are better off". My parents live 7 hours away. I grew up knowing both sets of grandparents and can say I enjoyed that relationship and have fond memories of it. My kids aren't going to have that, and it makes me sad.
I think it is DEFINITELY sad... sad that they let adult problems affect the children...It is incredibly sad for your children... I'm sorry for that.... My FH and I were talking just this weekend about how we already guess that his Mom will be the same way towards our (my) children. That she will "shun" them or not give them the attention/love that she gives the others... simply b/c they come from ME....
I think that is SO sad that these people refuse to get to know and love children because they have issues with adults.
:( :(
You are singing my song over here! I grew up with a big family, but to be honest, my grandparents were never terribly demonstrative or stayed in touch with me, and never showed much interest. It was my aunts and uncles that really made my childhood memories shine. It makes me sad, too, to realize that my kids don't have grandparents or aunts and uncles that will give them the kind of memories I had as a child.
But I SWEAR to you that your kids are better off not having too much contact with the crazy ones. I had some crazy relatives that, to this day, are still a bane. They've brought nothing but misery into my life. So, I believe it is better to have only a few people who will shower your kids with a healthy and wonderful relationship, than to have a whole slew of arseholes who will only be a problem.
Do what I do: I get together as often as I can with my friends who have kids (and even with those who do not). These friends have become my family, so my kids still have a wonderful circle of people around them. Blood may be "thicker than water", but sometimes water is so much more refreshing to drink ;)
AWWW! The kids are the ones that always pay the price! I don't think you should cut all these people out of your lives. I personally think you should just give yourself some distance. Distance between you guys can help, even if it is for a while. My dh talks to his mil on the phone and even goes to visit with them. I occassionally accompany him to a dinner or two and things have been going great. If they are in your face every single moment of every day or every weekend you will grow tired and fustrated. Maybe distance is better for everyone. Just try it. I know you don't hate these people. I love my mil and fil, I just think they are a little crazy and we are like oil and water, but I love them in my own way. You'll eventually find your place and make things work.
I'm sure they all love your children. Let's not let the children be the ones that have to pay because the adults can't seem to get along. I miss talking to you twinkletoes! :)
Stacann, I don't keep my kids away from my in-laws or anything, they do enough of that all by themselves. I merely won't risk our lives or have the frustration of a 29 hour flight just to go and be around people like that. If they want to see us, they know where we are (they have no issues with flying like I do) and we can and do talk on the webcam.
They will favor one child for a moment and ignore the other, and then the rest of the time they have nothing to do with either kid. My MIL loves pitting one person against another (she did it with her own 3 kids their entire lives), and I won't let her hurt my kids that way, so I am just careful with what I expose them to in regards to MIL.
I definately don't want my kids to suffer - but they already suffer with so-called relatives who have little time or interest for them. So, instead, I have made my friends more of the important people in my kids lives (which my friends would be anyway, since they are the ones actually paying attention to my kids and giving them love).
Yes it is hard Stacann- to be honest, I don't love or even like my fil. I think he is a very cruel man, and disliked him the first time I met him (it was at Christmas and my husband spent 100.00 on a specialty hardback book for his father, which he opened, said loudly "I already have books like this!" and then THREW IT in the floor!). I remember cringing and wondering how my husband could have turned out so nice in the face of what amounted to an abusive father.
I do like one of my husbands sisters, and sometimes I like his mom. But, this has been their choice. We have tried to have boundaries with them, and they just won't respect them. And unfortunately we don't have the option of dh going to their home for visits because he isn't welcome in their home.
The only way his mom will be in our children's lives is if we tolerate pop in visits, nosey questions about our personal lives and finances, and the fact that we aren't allowed to their home on holidays. I don't know, but I just can't cave on the "pop in" thing. I have four kids and want a chance to clean house and remove the diaper pail. Its not just his family- its everyone. I *need* people to call first, and don't think its absurd or anything. *sighs*
I do like mainegirls suggestion of having my children in playgroups. Last year that was rather difficult, but its getting easier now to be mobile with the kids. Still, its hard. I wanted to go to the park this past week, but the moms going had 1 year olds like me. I have to have a mom there with an older independent child so I have "extra hands" to help with mine.
It is so sad that they don't make their grandchildren a priority. I can't understand it.....but, having other support systems (friends, playgroups) is a wonderful idea - - for you and for the kids. Make your own "family". Maybe one day, FIL/MIL will "come around" and realize what they are missing out on. I wonder why MIL refuses to give you courtesy call when she wants to come over? Have you and FH had conversations with MIL/SILs about calling ahead before coming by?
Stacann, I don't keep my kids away from my in-laws or anything, they do enough of that all by themselves. I merely won't risk our lives or have the frustration of a 29 hour flight just to go and be around people like that. If they want to see us, they know where we are (they have no issues with flying like I do) and we can and do talk on the webcam.
They will favor one child for a moment and ignore the other, and then the rest of the time they have nothing to do with either kid. My MIL loves pitting one person against another (she did it with her own 3 kids their entire lives), and I won't let her hurt my kids that way, so I am just careful with what I expose them to in regards to MIL.
I definately don't want my kids to suffer - but they already suffer with so-called relatives who have little time or interest for them. So, instead, I have made my friends more of the important people in my kids lives (which my friends would be anyway, since they are the ones actually paying attention to my kids and giving them love).
Slow down! I thought this issue was for twinkletoes! I'm sorry, I didn't see Maingirl as the publisher. My bad. I merely meant, that no matter what that the kids suffer, if we keep them away or if they stay away, the kids are the ones that pay the price. I wasn't pointing fingers at you Maingirl. A Twenty nine hour flight is a long flight (especially with kids). They must live in another country and if that is the case then don't feel bad for not being able to visit more often. I do not come on everyday because I am the hospital more than I should be, but have formed friendships with some of these women that I will come on and check to make sure they are ok. I understand what some of these women are going thru and they understand what I have been thru. Sorry if that post rubbed you the wrong way, it was not my intention.
I think playdates are a great idea twinkletoes. It'll get you and the kids out and having some fun. When my son was younger he loved to go to the library. Check your local library, they should have storytime once a week for younger children. I took him when he was 2, and he went until he was 5.
Sorry about your fil! What he did to that christmas present was really poopy! That would have scared me as well. Things will get better though. It has too! :)
Library storytime is a great idea! I called this morning to see if they could accommodate us. The woman stuttered. Hee, hee. But she said to bring them on!