She called twice on Sunday, and we didn't answer either time. My husband is the type that has to work through what he wants to say for DAYS ahead of time when he is upset, so he called her back today, from work.

This is the one who went off on me over a month ago. Without going into a lot of details, she kept arguments and drama brewing in the family by relaying what she considered "helpful" information- and the information was always really bad gossip that was being passed around about us, and caused  me a great deal of frustration. When I asked her to stop- I said "I can not stop the seeds of anger this negativity plants in my heart from growing", she went off on me... about how she was our only supporter, our only friend in the family, how I talked down to her (she didn't like the language I repeated above, she said it was worded to make her feel stupid?!?!?! I thought I was wording it in a way to reflect how I *felt* without attacking her personally), etc.

Then, a week later, another sister showed up on our property uninvited while we had an invited guest here from my family and lashed into my husband. She wanted to get me too, but I stayed indoors. She blamed my husband for some issues in her own family- between her and her son. Said my husbands "example of disrespect" he had shown to his own father and mother served as a poor role model for her GROWN son. Hmpfh. Demanded he apologize to his parents for HER sake, and my dh asked her to leave.

So, I had told my dh I was "burned out" on his family and I needed time off from dealing with them. Because the previously mentioned sil has been nothing but wonderful to our kids and has been supportive to us (albeit in an unhealthy way), I was OK with her being in our lives, but still upset about how she talked to me. Cursed me and everything!!! Called me "overly sensitive"! Still needing some space from her as well, but not closing that door.

DH returns her call today, and told her that we were "taking a break" from extended family. That we had so much on our plate with our own kids, lots going on, etc, and just needed to take care of things at home first.

First, she thanked him for calling her. She told him she had over reacted to me, and she felt bad about what happened (it would help if she told ME that). She also said that following the confrontation with the other sil and dh, her mom and sister tried to bring her in on more gossip, and she said to them the same thing I told her! That she didn't want to hear negative stuff anymore about her brother. I guess some of what I said took root then, eh? She then said she understood and respected our decision!!! She  repeated something to my dh that she shouldn't have, but she was vague. Shes usually very "to the point" and repeats things "word for word". She just told DH that his mom and the other sil was speaking very ugly about him, and we were better off.

Under the circumstances I was worried dh might cave and invite her over. Really, even if she is sorry, she hasn't said so to ME, and I am still needing some distance. I have been sleeping much better since we made the decision to not take calls, emails and such from them, and not eager to open that door. As dh told her when she said she told her mom she didn't want to hear it, he said "old habits die hard". He told her we would call her when we were ready for company.

Wow! A bunch has happened! Your poor husband! I'm so sorry that you were disrespected, but you just had enough. There are plenty of times that every one of us just says - stop, I've had enough and don't want to hear it. I don't think you were being very mean at all. I think that your husband is very supportive of you and your marriage comes first with no problems or conflicts about that. Just hang in there. I'm starting to read "Toxic In-laws" and it seems to be helping me. Everyone here has probably read this book, but I guess I'm getting late start!
Good for you for saying -stop with the gossip. Good for your husband for making your marriage #1. Maybe distance can heal or make it a bit manageable.

Wow.... hooray for you! It has to feel nice to breathe easily and not worry about the family drama...I bet you ARE sleeping better!

Good for you for doing what you need to make things work for your family. You are very blessed to have a DH who truly partners with you in your marriage. I'm sure this isn't easy on him.. Kudos to him.

It's amazing to me how we all try SO hard to force/maintain relationships with people who treat us like crap JUST because they share our blood or our spouse's blood. We'd never let other people (non-relatives) treat us or our families the way some of these ILs do. Wonder why we put up with it for so long?...
I'm happy for you.

The thing is, I realized that when I was dealing with his family, I would be frustrated and easily annoyed when dealing with *my kids*. Thats totally not fair, because they are good kids. But what do you do with all that negativity if you have inlaws who refuse to deal with any issue directly, and skirt their problems? Even the sil that came over here- she wasn't dealing DIRECTLY with her son- the one shes having issues with. Instead she came over to our house and lashed out at my husband. Thats how they operate, and it makes me sick to my stomach. Really. Somedays I can't even eat when dealing with them. And in the mean time, since they dodge confrontations, avoid emails asking them WHY they did something (and instead forward them to everyone else to see and attack you over), I am left with all these unresolved feelings and conflicts in my lap.

Well, I do sleep better. As its been said, it does make me sad, but I can't deal with it any longer. I am a better person and mother when I am not in their dramas.

And now my husband is happy, too. He says he feels like he has dealt with the issues with the sil thats been good to us (aside from the weird stuff last month), and he doesn't care about the rest right now. We just have too much on our own plate!

Thanks for supporting our decisions. They make both of us sad... I feel bad for my kids not having a grandmother and grandfather so local in distance to visit, and he feels bad about their relationships with him and the kids... but, this is for the best.

Good for you! You know what...... maybe that's just what they need! Maybe it takes losing you guys for them to understand and want to change! You guys may be closing the door, but you never know, they may decide to open that door and step in with a better attitude!  Good luck and enjoy your sleep!

Yay!  I bet you're proud of your hubby! It sounds like communication is finally winning! Keep strong, both of you.  I think you're both better off having limited exposure to the family, even after things "blow over". They sound rather toxic, so the less you are around them, the less opportunities for them to upset your life!

Bravo to hubby!

Yeah!!! Sorry you had to deal with all that stress and negativity but I am glad dh is so supportive :o)
I tend not to eat when dealing with IL's too; it gets very overwhelming.
Hopefully you can keep them away for awhile :)