Oh yes, I think I posted here that my sil and I had a disagreement two months ago when I told her I wanted us to stop engaging in negative conversations about her family? I totally learned my lesson- his mom was using my sil to say hurtful things to us while dodging accountability, and it was keeping all the drama brewing to "gossip". The SIL took offense to this and still is a bit upset with me, but I do agree with all of you that it was the healthy and right decision.

I also suspect this is where his mil's hostility at DH is coming from. Before messages were relayed back and forth to ME. I used to tell him I could see why he was so laid back about the family conflict- he managed to avoid it because it was all aimed at me!!! As soon as I decide to remove myself, his mom went directly after dh. I feel bad for him, but I am glad that the conflict is where it belongs- not between me and my sil's ABOUT their mom, but, between dh and his mom directly.

My dh also agreed with Erin and Stacann and Mainegirl. I kinda thought that email would be it, and she would whimper off. He said we would be hearing a big blowup from her in a few weeks all about how SHE had been deprived of an invitation to her OWN GRANDCHILDREN's HOME. Excuse me? Our kids birthdays aren't about YOU!!! We only invited the sil because she has been good to our kids.

I agree that sil is torn. I am giving her some patience. I am a little sad though because I emailed her thanking her for coming, acknowledging what nice gifts she brought and how happy ity made the kids to see her. Although I did not ask a question that would mean she had to reply, I sort of thought she might send *something* nice back. I guess its going to take awhile for her to separate her relationship with us from her relationship with her mother.

This post was last modified: 08-07-2008 02:01 PM by TwinkleToes.

RE: SIL not responding: Try to give her time...... I really get the impression that she, herself, is "conflicted". She probably honestly felt that her telling your what MIL was saying was a "bonding" experience for the two of you... I'm sure she's trying to wrap her brain around it all... and is probably frustrated b/c she has no1 to vent to about her crazy mother's rantings!!.....(You always listened and empathized with her on how nuts her mom is... she may not have that with other people in her life)... *Note, that being said, I still believe you did the best thing by asking her to not tell you anymore..... My point is, she is probably still absorbing and adjusting to the new routine*.

The blow up between myself/FH and his MIL/SILs was about 2 months ago now... There was NO COMMUNICATION for a long time as a result......and MIL and SIL (just one SIL) and I are JUST NOW starting to have polite email communication. There were SEVERAL times that I reached out (via email) in an attempt to be polite and "bridge the gap", that were ignored. And it did "sting" every time I didn't get a reply. Just today, actually, SIL sent me a short email asking how things were going..... SO.. it may just take a little time for your SIL to readjust, distance herself and get a new perspective...before she is ready to figure out what your relationship will look like. Like I said before, at least she cares enough about your children to come to the party. THAT speaks volumes.

RE: MIL and the upcoming blowup... just be ready for it, so you are not blindsided by it...If your DH agrees that this is the calm before the storm... it probably is... he knows his own Mama.... :).. Be prepared emotionally and get your "protective wall" up and ready to not take it personally. She is a looneybird... it's not you, it is her!!! Keep that in mind, no matter which trick she pulls out of her hat next time...[/align]

Hang in there... :)
E