Hello,
My first time here.....
So, the past 9 years of my 11 year marriage I have been coerced into spending XMAS vacation away with my MIL.  While on vacation, she acts like a princess, treats me like the nanny, and spends time with my husband while I watch the kids. She insists on her way.  Yeah, she can be fun, but she knows no boundaries. I have complained many times, and have come back EACH time miserable and needing to recover----she interferes with my parenting and marriage, she cannot keep her mouth shut. She never allows me and my husband some time alone. I even tried bringing my mom along last year, and she could notstand her.  
This year, unfortunately, there is a two week span off.  I told my husband that this year we deserve a vacation on our own, as a family of four (no MILS). He said he wants the family to be together, that he earns the big$, so it is his decision.  Her even threatened to divorce me.
I am going to see a therapist, but someone some advice in the mean time would help!

Your issue here is with your husband. He sounds like a big bully threatening to divorce you!!! Let him go on vacation with his mom if he would like, its his mom and if he wants to spend his "big bucks" that way, then have at it... if you have to watch the kids anyhow, you can watch them at home. Or, you could stay those two weeks with your mom. I so hope you have some support locally. I feel really bad for what you are going through... if you have to go, take your mom again?

Thanks, my mother hates how my MIL treats me, and my MIL is a rude person with poor manners, so my mother refuses to go- she agress that our family needs time alone- I deserve to have a nice vacation with my kids-----

I'd dig my heels in and send hubby WITH the kids on vacation with HIS mother, you visit yours. Let her boss him around tell him how to parent the kids and cater to her every whim, maybe that'll give him a wake up call. If he's threatened to divorce you over his mother I'd be visiting a lawyer to inquire about getting half of his 'big bucks'. Your the mother of his children not his mother's servant.

Well thanks but I refuse to have my kids be seperated from me like that, they will think we are getting divorced, not worth it to me to send them away w/o me

This post was last modified: 08-05-2008 04:08 PM by Shrinky.

I wouldn't want to be separated from mine either. I love my kids!!! But, I would let my dh go without me. I know he is going to pull a tantrum on you. I guess at that point you have to decide what makes you more comfortable- being around your mil for two weeks, or risking the fallout from your dh (divorce threats, etc.). To be honest, my ex could punish me for weeks with verbal abuse and shallow threats when he didn't get his way. Lots of times I just let him have his way with seeing his family because it was alot easier to get it over with. I did eventually divorce him. My current husband is supportive and kind to me, but his mom is still a nut and sometimes I need support for that.

Please mention verbal abuse to your therapist, too.

I don't think you came here wanting advice, I think you already know you have to go on the trips because you don't want to deal with the dh threats. :-( Its OK if you don't want advice, just make sure you say somewhere in your post "venting only" so we know that as everyone here likes to give advice as we all have found ways or helping ourselves and want to see if what helps us would help *you*. Sometimes when you are feeling sensitive, "Advice" can come off abrupt. None of us would ever want you to feel like that!!! We just all feel for your situation. I am sorry if my first post seemed pushy or anything.

Yeah ur mil sounds like a crazy women and i wouldnt want to be around her either. But if u dont want to go you should be able to say lets not and hubby support. I hope you can find a way to get ur way this time. even if you say we are going to share- one year ur choice one year his.
plus if ur not working and looking after his kids its awful that hes using that on you.
feel for u honey and i hope some councelling can help you guys out.

Yeah, that stinks... sounds like you have some tough decisions to make... Your DH should support you or AT LEAST try to understand where you are coming from - and be able to make compromises... If he doesn't, the problem is with your DH, not your MIL...

Have you tried telling him WHY you would rather do vacation with just your family? (Explained how you feel when you are at you MILs - how she makes you feel and how DH makes you feel; and how it wears you out physically to be there)?? Maybe he just doesn't understand that?
If he doesn't care/try to understand and he is just barking demands and threats at you, you really do have some serious soul searching to do... No one LOVES compromising/sharing their family traditions for holidays.... but THATS what you do when you are in a healthy loving relationship... If he is unwilling to even consider a compromise (like one year there, next year with your family), then you have to either decide to change that yourself (i.e. not go with him) or live with the way it is. Only you can decide with will work for you....

Hang in there. I feel for you...

Thanks so much, great support I at least feel a little more sane....will explore more
tom. You all were great help. Right now I am exhausted from the fighting so I am taking a break

Sorry for your problems :( Mil's can be mean and ugly. If we have learned anything from them it is that we will never treat our dil's the way they treat us! I say butter up your dh and tell him you want alone time with him for the holidays. Maybe you can split it, 1 week with them and 1 week alone. Try to meet in the middle. Your mil is nothing to divorce over. Hope this helps! Keep your chin up and smile :)